&𝘽𝙐𝙍𝙉 「ˢᶜᵒᵗᵗ ʳᵉᵉᵈ 」

sixteen !

MY FINGER HOVERED OVER the text. I was deciding on if I really wanted to send it. I need the company and I need to talk to someone.

I've kept it all in—to myself. I talk to myself about it over and over and it never gets better.

can you come over ?

Before I knew it, I sent it. Balls Dillon, you need balls.

I was kind of hoping it would fail to send so I could cancel it. Or that he wouldn't read it, only neither of them happened. Nothing seems to be what I hope.

I stared at my phone in the texts watching the delivered turn into read. The seeing the three dots hover—teasing me— until it turned into a be there soon.

I sat on the couch waiting and thinking to myself.

Do I really want to talk about this? Would talking about this really help?

Maybe talking about it would give me some type of closure, hopefully.

I was so wrapped up in my thoughts. I was thinking about the only person who mattered so much to me in this world. It's so cliche to be saying it, really, but he was everything.

My best friend. My brother. The one person I could talk to about anything and everything and he was taken from me.

I tried not to believe that he was gone. That it was a trick and that Ashton Cutcher would show up with Jeff and yell gotcha in my face.

The more time that passes is me still hoping and realizing that he's gone at the same time.

A couple of knocks sounded at the door and I didn't bother to get up. Moments passed before the knocking started again, but this time I croaked out a come in.

I knew I was going to cry. Something I've seemed to be doing a lot lately. This time I'm not by myself and I'm not sure how it's going to go.

"Dillon, are you okay? We've been worried. I've been worried. You can't just go—Dillon what's wrong?"

The words seemed to be stuck and I gulp down a sob that was threatening to come out. Scott sat himself down next to me.

"He's really gone, Scott." I croaked. My eyes started to water and with a blink tears started to roll down my face.

I felt myself getting pulled into a warm embrace.

"He's gone and I didn't even get to say bye or that I loved him. I told him I hated him. It's my fault, Scott. If I didn't go to that stupid party he wouldn't have left so early. He died thinking I hated him. I want my brother back, but I can't have him. I can't have him because he's gone and it's all my fault." I sobbed.

My head rested on Scott as I cried and I just prayed that he didn't care I was crying on his shirt.

I hoped that he didn't mind that I asked him to come here so I could talk and cry.

"It's not your fault and he knows you love him no matter what happened between you guys in that car. Don't blame what happened on you, got it?"

I nodded my head.

Finally, after some time I composed myself and checked the late hour.

"Uh you can stay here tonight. Sorry it's so late, come on." I said quietly, my voice hoarse.

I got up from the couch and made my way upstairs, taking a glance behind me to make sure that Scott was behind me.

I left Scott him my room and went to the bathroom to change into shorts and a large shirt.

I didn't bother to grab a shirt for Scott, since this isn't the first time he stayed and I've learned he sleeps in just his boxers. I didn't mind, at least he wasn't sleeping naked.

When I walked back into my room I saw that he was already laying down. I lifted the covers up on the side I was going to be laying at and laid down. I turned off my bedside lamp and got myself situated.

"Scott." I whispered. I felt the bed move and I'm guessing he was turning to face me.

"Yeah?" He whispered back.

"I just wanted to say thanks and sorry. Sorry for really being a problem most the time and thanks for coming and listening to me anyways. I appreciate you more than you know."

"I know. Well, I don't know, but—you get me?"

"Yeah." I laughed.

We were so close to each other. I could hear and feel him breathing from our close stance. I didn't mind.

I somehow managed to scoot closer to him where we were now touching. I was comfortable and it somehow felt right to me.

He's always there for me, no matter what shit state I am. I'm thankful for that. I'm able to trust him, and that's something I need. Someone I trust.

omg i'm alive and this book is still a thing. damn, who would've known. sorry this chapter was shit