Hold Me Tight (Kim Namjoon x Reader)

Chapter 11

"Y/N, sweetie. I wasn't expecting you until my birthday." your mom said as she opened the door. Her smile was timeless, and you dearly missed it. She gave you a tight hug.

"Hi, eomma. Can't I just visit you because I love you?"

"You want something, don't you? Don't deny it. Yoongi does this all the time." You laughed as you carried your suitcase into your old home. It looked the same for the most part. Your mother bought a dining table, finally. But you felt a tug on your heart when you remember that she eats alone. You and Yoongi have tried to convince her to move to the city, but she wanted to remain here where your father was. Speaking of him, you went to the shrine to tell him that you were home. He died because of a car accident, some time while you were in high school. And of course, you couldn't remember it.

There were a set of tea cups set out when you came back into the kitchen. She looked at you worriedly. "Does Yoongi know you're here?" she asked.

"No, I didn't tell him."

"I see." she said faintly, there was a hint of nervousness in her voice.

"Did Yoongi tell you? That I know now, about everything?"

"Yes."

"So everything is true then? That our whole family was involved in gang? And I lost my memories because of that?" She nodded slowly and regretfully. Part of you hoped she would deny it, let it be just you and Yoongi that were involved. When you looked up at her, she seemed like a stranger. Her shoulders were tensed, her elbows propped on the table, both hands holding onto the tea cup as they were shaking slightly.

"And Namjoon-" you began.

"Yoongi told me not to say anything about that."

"Well that's too late. Everything is out. I deserve to know everything. You've kept it from me all these years. Maybe I wanted to know, maybe I wanted to remember. And I want to hear it from him, eomma. I know you know where he is right now." You got up from your seat and grabbed a gentle hold of her hands. "Please let me see him."

"I-I can't." she stuttered, her eyes were red and puffy.

"Why not?"

"I cannot let you get hurt because of him again."

"Eomma, it was my choice the first time. I mean, I can't remember anything. But I know myself. I know that I would never do anything that I didn't want to. And surely Yoongi wouldn't have let me either."

"I should have stopped you, but your father said that you were ready. What a fool he was."

"Maybe that's where I got it from." you laughed a little, she gave you a frail smile.

"But I still can't tell you."

"Eomma, if you don't tell me right now, I'll tell Yoongi you sold his limited edition Kumamon for your hair extension and replaced it with a knockoff when he was 15. He still has it til this day and treasures it. He cleans it every day with a special wipe." The color on her face drained, and you gave her a victorious smirk. She got up from her seat and grabbed her contact book. On a piece of paper, she wrote down an address and handed it to me.

"Don't tell Yoongi, but after your accident, I kept tabs on Namjoon. I visit him often to make sure he's still alive." You laughed a little, internally thanking her. It meant that he treated you well, or else your mom wouldn't still be nice to him. "Promise you'll be careful. And come back right away, okay?"

"I promise, eomma. I love you." you bent to give her a peck on the cheeks. She held your hand, reluctant to let go. "I will be back."

***

You looked at the sheet of paper, then back at the house, then back at the piece of paper. It didn't seem real, the house in front of you. The front gate was broken. One of the glass on the front door was missing, pieces of the roof was also missing. The paint outside was discolored. This couldn't be it. You slowly walked to the front door, searching for a doorbell, but found none. So you knocked instead. After three knocks, there was no sign of life from inside. You were glad that no human being been occupying this rundown place. Your back was to the door when you heard it open.
"Y/N?" To your horror, it was Namjoon. At least he looked better than the house, a lot better. You let out a sigh of relief. "What are you doing here?"

"Um, I, came to check up on you?"

"Does Yoongi know?"

"No." Maybe you should have lied, so that he would feel more relaxed, but for some reason you knew you couldn't lie to him.

"You should leave then." He began to close the door, but you barged in just in times. As you did that, your body went up against his and you were inches away from his face as he looked down at you with playful eyes. You glanced away, to look at the house. It looked like a place where a guy in his twenties would live, it looks the same as Yoongi's. Some dishes left in the sink, empty beer cans and bag of chips laying on the table, clothes scattered on the floor. At least it smelled okay.

Namjoon cleared his throat, you realized that your body was still pressed against his. You quickly pulled away, making your way to his couch, or what was visible. He took a seat on the other end.

"Y/N, you shouldn't be here. Yoongi would kill me if he knew."

"If I pay you, will you let me clean your house?" you asked, ignoring his question. He snorted and shook his head lightly.

"That sounds just like you."

"What?"

"You used to keep this place clean. And made sure everything was neat for me, to make it convenient for me."

"So I was your maid."

"I guess you could say that." he said carelessly. "You did everything I asked. What a fool you were." A piece of your heart broke. You knew he didn't like you, but you were so in love with him that you let him used you.

"So you really didn't care about me?"

"Of course not. Marrying you was my duty and I did what I had to do. No feelings attached. Honestly, good riddance now that you're in the city now." You couldn't stop the tears from rolling out of your eyes. Namjoon stared at you with a poker face. He radiated a feeling of a stranger. This wasn't the same Namjoon that protected you, that held you in his arms, that told you he'll always be near you. No, this is who he really is. You wiped your tears away and got off from the couch.

"Well, it looks like you're fine. And it also looks like I'm bothering you. It seems like I was a bother to you in the past too, so I'm sorry for that. I won't come here anymore. Please take care." You bowed to him and left, he remained on the couch.

Your tears blinded you as you walked out on the street. You finally got the answer you wanted, and you should move on. It would be easy to go back to normal, to before you met him, and go on with your life. But your heart felt heavy, as if a piece of it was missing. You thought that for once, you would know what it was like for someone to love you. Turns out, your first and only relationship was fake.

The sun was beginning to descend. You quietly walked home. A figure approached you from behind, you were too heartbroken to notice. You felt strong hands gripping your body. A handkerchief was placed over your mouth. As you breathe in the toxin, your eyes felt heavy and your body fell to the ground.