Chapter 14: Imagining
TYBZI's POV
I lied down on my bed waiting for the day to be over... I was just not in a good mood at all.. i wouldnt let anyone in except for Ramos though. he was the only one that I could actually trust anymore. I knew I was depressed.. I was diagnosed when I was a little younger. There were days where I would just stop functioning properly. Days where no matter what I did to ease the pain it always came back at me harder.
I would push it back. push everyone out and shut the door tight... They always found a way back in though. it was no use. it only subdued them for a small amount of time.
When you have depression.. you get horrible thoughts.. you can't help it.. it just. happens.
"These are things I would never wish upon my worst enemy."
More and more tears came from my eyes the more I thought about this stuff. the more I thought about what it would be like if I just. left and never came back.
A small smile crept onto my face when I thought about this. It was forced.. this wasn't me. I want to stay.
It feels like my body is being controlled and the louder i scream the deeper I get pushed into the darkness. Nobody can hear me..
"This is all in your head Michael." I heard a voice say softly. It wasn't real. none of the pretty pictures I saw. nothing was real. Bayani wasn't. youtube. Ramos.. Me. nothing is real.. How did I even get here.
"Your not here. you never were. you still aren't Your imagining everything that you've been through. Bayani and Will's death?" the voice said louder this time as if it was getting angrier the more it spoke to me.
But.. how was It not real. everything seemed... the voice interrupted me.
"Michael... It's time." it said. White mist formed and a person came through it. Bayani...
"It's time to come. Your sleeping. Your not going to wake up." he said reaching out to me.
"NO! No... no.. I'M NOT SLEEPING I'M NOT DEAD! I'm in my bed. at home. waiting for Ramos." I yell whispered at Him.
"He isn't coming Michael. He isn't real. none of this ever was. you imagined everything within your own mind. You made a perfect world to hide yourself from reality." Jordan said touching my shoulder.
"What? What do you mean it's not real. Of course it is, It has to be!" Jordan finished looking down and extending his arm to me. We sat there in silence for about 5 minutes until i took his hand. Everything went blank. pictures began to form.. Memories? I looked at them. I examined each one closely. They weren't. mine?
"Correct. these aren't your memories. These are the memories of the ones you love." he said. His voice was shaky shakey as to where someone was about to die. or he couldn't handle this.
Soon after I had finished examining all of the pictures Everything disappeared. I was in my bed.
But not at home. I was in, England.
'Is this real...' I thought opening my eyes and looking around. Ramos was next to me and I could hear Jordan and Will downstairs talking about various things. Ramos was next to me. so I snuggled closer to him. and He put his arm around me holding me close to him.
I don't even care if none of this is real. I am happy. that's all that matters. right?
"Yes..." I whispered, for now this was enough, I'm happy, I have my love. And everything was just flat out perfect. Thank you, Jordan.
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