The Mind Virus

Chapter 13 - Part 4

Jim was at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry, Jimmy. I don't know if you two were close or anything," Roberts repeated, "but I suppose it's hard on everyone."

"Yeah," Jim said emptily. His mind was now somewhere else. He wondered something. "Do you think..." he trailed off, pondering whether it was wise to air this thought out in the open. "Do you think, with Officer Spaulding's death and what happened to me... I mean, we were both investigating these suicides..."

"I know what you're thinking. You know you were targeted for it, but as far as anyone can tell, Spaulding's death was just an accident. Don't try to read too much into these things."

"It just seems suspicious."

"I think you're too deep down the rabbit hole, and now you're seeing clues and making connections that aren't there. Like you said earlier, you're not in the right frame of mind right now. Listen to me, Jimmy, just let it go and rest it off. We're not going to crash and burn without you for a few weeks at the station, and I'm sure your day job will give you a break given your..." Roberts looked down at Jim's hands. "...condition."

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Aren't the hospital going to give you a change of clothes?" Roberts said, mood suddenly changing to the mischievous air that he was known for. "You're reeking of piss, Jimmy."

"I might have let my bladder go at some point."

"No kidding."

"They should be sending me home soon anyway. They've already done what they need to do to my fingers. Now I just need to wait the four to six weeks until the bones fuse back or whatever the hell needs to happen."

"I have to give you credit. You're taking all of this a lot better than I imagined you would – a lot better than I imagined anyone would, in fact."

"Remember my stoicism as you see me now. I wasn't quite this calm and collected while it was happening. Frankly, I think I'm going into shock or something. None of it feels real anymore."

"It's for the best then. You don't want to be reliving that moment over and over again."

"No, I don't suppose I do."

"Right then, I've got everything I need. I'd better go off and write up my report. Are you going to be fine here? Will you need a ride home?"

"No, but thank you. I should be fine driving myself."

"Should you really be driving with damaged hands?"

"I made it all the way here, didn't I?"

"Yeah, all right. You're a trooper. You'll pull through. And I suppose you won't be following any more orders from messages left in your tray anymore." Officer Roberts flashed a friendly smile as he disappeared down the hallway.

*

The next few days went by in a daze. Whether this was because of the shock of what had happened or the heavy painkillers that the hospital had given him was anyone's guess. At night he'd have nightmares about Old Shiny Head, and during the day he'd lament over his abandonment of the investigation. His landline would ring daily as Emma would desperately try to make contact, but he couldn't bring himself to answer. Thinking about her just made him feel worse and worse and worse. After a while, lying in his bedroom and walking around in his living room would have the same effect. The décor that he'd grown to love so much now irritated him and brought down his mood. The bed that he'd laid in as a child – that mattress that he'd always found so comfortable – now just made him feel empty and angry. He told himself time and time again that all he needed was to wait for this all to blow over, but as the days went on, it only got worse.

The diary that belonged to Carol – one of the girls that took her own life – had been sitting on Jim's desk for a while now. Although he had vowed to cease the investigation lest he attract any more unwanted attention to himself, curiosity eventually won, and he began reading through it. As he read every word of the entries in the last weeks before the girl's death, he felt a sort of kinship with her. The pages contained descriptions of feelings that Jim was all too familiar with. He began to wonder whether it was at all possible to abandon this case. More than that, he began to wonder whether he had somehow become the case.