2018-09-15 》 03.09 》 01:23:57
the water is all around you, your eyes are blinking rapidly and your lungs are burning
but that's not what drowning feels like
then, when you breath; letting the water in
it suddenly stops to burn
*unknown*
-
Soon enough Youngjae did realize that Jinyoung was a big (when not to say the biggest) part of Def's whole story.
But until now everything seemed to be fine.
Everything, until the next words were said, filling him up completely and indicating the end to start.
"Did you ever feel how it is to drown, my little angel?"
"N-no..."
"Then how do you imagine it? How does it feel to you?"
Swimming, huh?
Youngjae didn't really know how to describe the feeling of it.
It was magical to him.
Knowing he was a really big swimming inthusiast and a lover of the ocean, he only could imagine the good sides of getting into the water.
He loved everything.
The feeling to finally let himself fall into the deep turquoise blue and just flowing along with the stream - he felt unimaginably free.
Not scared of anything.
And then, when he suddenly started to move forward - along with the stream and against the cruel reality - he finally started to feel all his worries fall apart.
The stares and glances of other people, the countless insults that were thrown at him because he wasn't as thin as they wanted him to be, the frustration of always holding back his feelings and locking them up deep inside himself so nobody could ever see how he really felt.
All of it dissapeared.
He felt that kind of braveness he never even knew was inside him.
Drowning?
He could only imagine it as some sort of betrayal.
Water.
The only comfort he got in life.
His last resort you could say.
What if it turned against him?
Drowning him literally and forcing the air to dissapear out of his lungs.
"Awful."
That was the only thing he could say about it.
At least it was the first thing that got into his mind.
"You see, everybody has got a different opinion. For example, if I asked fifty people if burning or freezing to death would be more worse than the other i would get many different opinions with more than fifty explanations. Some of the more aesthetically pleasing than actually having a scientific point."
"What do you think drowning feels like, Def?"
"I don't know. Even though I tried it."
Wait
Was he serious?
Attempted suicide...
Drowning...
Everything was so specific.
Every little question told him a new secret and gave him a deep view into Def's mind, his thoughts and idioms.
And to be honest, Youngjae was worried.
Def was a man who might have not lived long enough for people to consider him as wise, but in Youngjae's eyes he seemed to understand life.
He just didn't know, and that's what made everything so complicated, how far this young and wise man will go.
"Did you go to the sea? Was it beautiful there? I want to know everything, Def."
"You are worried about me, aren't you? Don't be."
The young boy didn't know what to say.
He really didn't.
People in movies always seemed to have a perfect quote or an explanation for everything.
But he?
He was just speechless and he could feel his heart breaking while hearing the stranger whisper sweet nothings into his ear.
And so, nothing but banal and simple things escaped his mouth.
"How couldn't I? It sounds so windy and cold around you and I can hear the street. Aren't you worried to catch a cold?"
Even though it felt meaningless to him, it was so caring and loveable that the mans heart started to melt.
It was soothing, almost like a mothers touch.
And so, he opened up completely.
"The water was so cold, back then. It's not that long as some of my storys and I still can feel the icy waves burning into my skin."
"Did you go to the sea?"
"Yeah, Jeju. My grandparents lived there."
"It's beautiful."
"Yes, i know. Especially in the summer. The water is blue and the air smells like salt and herbals."
"Jeju Island, hmm..."
Furrowing his eyebrows, Youngjae came to think.
If it was attempted suicide, and it clearly was because Def sounded pretty much alive, then someone had saved him.
Whether paramedics or the police themselves, there had to be someone.
And if there was someone, it had been documented.
His name, his address, friends and family...
If Youngjae was able to find out who Def is-
Maybe there would be a chance.
A chance to speak to him.
A chance to hug him.
A chance to keep him alive.
"Promise me one thing. Only one."
"I promise."
"B-but I haven't said it yet.."
"No matter what, I will always be there"
.
.
.
.
.
"Promise not to find me."
