I think the pursuit of happiness is the pursuit of reality
because illusion never leaves us ultimately happy
-
"I was quite young when I first was confronted with reality - and I don't mean things like realizing that Coca Cola Santa Clause with his red suit didn't exist."
His fingers quietly thumped down onto the ground, barely making any noise at all but still conducting his nervousness to spread.
This was something he'd never told anybody about.
Not even his closest friend.
Maybe it was because he did realize it long after it all went down.
After some thinking and after realizing drinking himself to oblivion wouldn't bring him the answers he longed for for almost an eternity.
Or maybe he just was too ashamed to admit it.
Not only to others, but to himself as well.
"As I said in the beginning - the longing of being successful centered my whole life. When I was still a young kid my parents always told me to study, to become wealthy, to be somebody. It's because they weren't. And I don't blame them for giving me this advice. But sometimes I wish I would have taken it half-heartedly. Because maybe that's why I decided many things so callously."
Youngjae on the other side was silent.
The street lights sent their illuminously glooming light onto Defs face and made it now more visible.
The paleness.
The despair.
Even the loneliness seemed to find a way into his features.
His once lightly tanned and shiny skin had become damp and colorless after more and more days he spent inside, completely shutting himself away.
It made him look older than he actually was.
"Back then I was just a dumb boy trying to fit in I guess..."
A loud sigh could be heard from Def, indicating a change in his behaviour.
For one moment Youngjae feared he might've let himself fall.
He might've thought he couldn't be helped anymore.
All of that made Youngjae scared.
Until the man spoke up once more, causing Youngjae to bite his lip and suppressing the tears starting to fall out of his eyes.
"This is the first chapter. It will be called ..."
꧁꧂
