Tormented

-Clouded Judgement-

With Beta alongside me, we walk silently towards the outcrop's ridge. Here, we stop to look out across the expansion that is our lake. For a moment the sun's rays shimmering off the water made the sight of such beauty even more breathtaking & marvelous to watch. I recall the first time I saw this place. It was the night I came racing to these mountains to find him. From this thought, I can smile enough to enjoy that memory. I do a small jump, landing on the middle stone where I first made love and marked my mulatto. Here I sit and place my feet in the water, shoes and all. Randall joins me, doing the same.

Looking to my left and my right the sight which greets my gaze brings a modest smile, just for a moment this reflection of a memory. Causes my mood to lighten bringing a pleasant thought. The sight I see is familiar, wulves.

They line the ridge just like they did that day four years ago. Only this time, it is out of concern for me. I am their Alpha who is lost without my mate. They know that. Randall speaks to me now. "Want me to tell them to leave Alpha?"

"No Randall it's alright. This brings back memories." I crack a smile as I place my hands on toe rough boulder's texture on each side of me staring at my waterlogged shoes submerged under the water, gently moving back and forth. Without looking to him changing the subject I say

"Remember the first time we saw this moment Randall?" I chuckle for a second "Yup" Alpha also picks up his head to gaze around to our pack having come to stand or sit along the banks both sides of the riverbank.

"You were so zealously protective over Luna then. Ready to kill without rationalizing your situation."  says Randall to me. Releasing a huff for a moment. I look forward now, my vision following opposite the downward watery trail up the three cascade pools. "what do you mean WAS Randall? still am. The mate bond has that effect on us wer's. But in honesty, can you blame me? After all those years of searching, I had just found him Randall and He was so brash then. I could have killed his pack at that moment. All for the sake of protecting him. Protecting MY Luna."

"Chyle Boo, your Luna is my brother & Dat's Alejandro for you Gurl, Drive a WULF crazy." My dreary mood softens thinking of the number of times my brother drove me insane with his impulsive ways. I continue "But you did not. You held a fraction of trust in him den dat he was right and he was Alpha."

I turn to look at Randall for a moment, taking in the words Beta's just uttered before looking back into the swirling pool. My feet are completely waterlogged. My toes and feet in starting to hurt from the stinging water's chill as I continue moving them back and forth, playing with the water.

A tiny smile comes thru my otherwise stoic gaze as I again retrace and follow the rushing downwards flow of water back up the trail to where it begins flowing downwards from it's summit. I respond to my Beta, telling him the truth of what influenced me to make him Beta that day "It wasn't Alejandro's whose trust I followed that day Randall. It was yours."

My eyes begin to sting now from Ruben's words. Speechless, my throat has a lump and all I say is "Ruben." I can't look at him because I don't want him to see it, so I too start staring down into the water. Just like Ruben, then I follow the racing water flow to its summit.

My next words indicate to Randall where I was going with this causing Randall to anger "You told me to study their behavior, pointing out how they were reacting to him different from us. Which told me you calculated their movements. Something I had not paid attention to and should have. No matter how small it was, Randall, you began earning of my trust from that one day. You spoke as a beta should, stratifying, taking in the battle situation of our would be enemies. The outcome? You weighed the possibilities immediately. Where I.. I was going to kill.