handsome

I've always been my worst enemy,
All of my shots were directed towards me.
"You're too fat", they said, even though my doctors said I was underweight.
I am so sick, I believed them.
Went three days without eating a morsel,
I was so bad, I had no remorse.
Numbers meant the world to me,
I was alright as long as I was skinny,
Even if that meant not eating.

But I know, that I was in a dark, dark place,
I wanna go, go, stuff my face because,

I'm so handsome, I don't need you to tell me I'm so handsome, you can't get to me that easily,
I'm so handsome, took me years to finally see,
I'm so handsome, finally found the confidence in me,
I'm so handsome, can't let the thoughts take control,
I'm so handsome, time for me to feed my soul,
I'm so handsome, took so long but now I know,
I'm so handsome, look at this newfound cocky glow.

I was fine for one whole year,
Food didn't bring me a single tear.
But, Fall turned to winter and the food around me grew richer,
The temptation inside tore my intentions, I was so stupid to think my enemy had died.
Everything I put into my body,
Was examined, prodded and thought about constantly.

I'm tired of the pain, I'm tired of my self hatred,
I'm sick again,
I fucking hate this.

I'm so handsome, I need you to tell me,
I'm so handsome, you got to me that easily,
I'm so handsome, it'll take me years to finally see,
I'm so handsome, finally lost the confidence in me,
I'm so handsome, I've let the thoughts take control,
I'm so handsome, time for me to starve my soul,
I'm so handsome, took so long but now I don't know,
I'm so handsome, where did my cocky glow go?

It all started when I was fourteen years old,
Born into a small, small world.
I don't know how the demon chose my mind,
But everyday, I ask it why?
What ever did I do to deserve such internal torment?
All I do is try and make it through each moment,
Because this life is full difficulties,
I am consumed by intake and calories.
I've been suffering in sickness and silence for almost six years,
I am petrified of my fears.
One day, I may drive myself to malnourishment,
All thanks to the creatures in my head, who love to torment.
I know I can't let that happen, it would be devastating.
I won't let that happen, one day, I promise, I'll win this almighty battle.

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful,
I need to say that to myself more often,
I don't want to lay dead in a premature coffin.