A Deadly Affair

Twenty-Six

I gave Josh another painkiller, and he was out within ten minutes. While he and ry slept, and Maya and Ben were gone, I cleaned the kitchen, needing something to do as I sorted through all the emotions and thoughts running through my head in an unending loop. I love Ryan. How did I not realize that was happening? I tried pinpointing the moment It happened, but I think it formed gradually, over the past month and a half of being with him. It feels rushed: but I can't help how I feel. I love him, but because I love him, I was selfish. I should have told Josh, and I should have insisted we send Maya away: but I know she'd never leave Ben either. Josh probably wants to strangle me for my recklessness; I'm the level headed one of us three, Maya's spontaneous so it's not a surprise for her, but I wouldn't be surprised if when the pain meds don't wear off Josh looks at me like I grew two heads. I should have known I was a goner from the moment I met him. My phone dings as I sit back on the couch, and I pull it out, smiling when I find texts from Charlie, and my mom.

Denver is AMAZING! Hope everything's well at home. Tell Ryan we said hey! ;)

I smile down at the picture of my sister and her little family, all grinning at the camera as snow falls behind them. I look to my Mom's next, feeling my heart ache as it misses my parents. They're holding up their drinks and grinning.

Wish you were here! Love you!

I run my finger along the picture, as if touching their photographed faces could squelch the ache in my chest. At least I know all of them are safe, far from Cedar Grove and the problems I've caused. Sighing softly, I lay down on the couch since josh moved to the recliner; sleep is always my solution when I'm stressed, so I let it embrace me.

I wake a little while later, after it's gotten dark, wrapped in one of Ryan's blankets, feeling warm and cozy. I pat down my hair, sitting up and looking around for him, but all I find is a wide mouthed Josh, sleeping away from his pain meds. I snicker, snapping a picture on my phone and setting it as his contact photo. Grinning to myself, I throw off the blanket, then wrap it around my shoulders, walking to Ryan's room. He isn't there, and I frown, before realizing where he is. He glances over his shoulder as I slide open the balcony door, a small smile passing his moonlit face. "Hey," I breathe, as the cold air hits me; I'm dressed in his sweatshirt, but the leggings don't add a lot of warmth. He hums in response, but doesn't turn to look at me, or speak. I lean against the door, watching him quietly as his mind works. I know he blames himself for all of this, and something about the way he seems so tense makes me wonder what he's thinking. "You're not going to do anything reckless are you?" I inquire quietly, feeling my nerves working on my mind and heart.

He looks over his shoulder at me, a smile on his face but it's sad; I move instantly when he inclines his head toward me, motioning me toward him. I walk over, and he takes my hand, setting me in his lap and making sure the blanket's still covering me. My heart soars with how much he cares- does he love me too? Deep down, I know the answer; his actions prove it every time we're together. I rest my head against his chest, closing my eyes and relaxing in the safety of his arms. Because of Miles, I've spent the past few years of my life looking over my shoulder, never truly at ease: but with Ryan, I know he'd do whatever it took to keep me safe, which is why I'm nervous at his silence. If he even thinks of handing himself over to the gang to protect me, I'll kill him myself.

"I don't remember anything about my parents." He says quietly, and I count the seconds between each beat his heart makes. "I was too young; so all I know of my life is my Uncle and his cruelty." I frown, I hate knowing this information, but at the same time, I want to know everything about him. "I've never had anything good, Julie." He pauses, and I don't look up, only curl further into him and his warmth. "You're the best thing to ever happen in my life, and I'm sorry you don't get something good in return." He laments quietly, causing my heart to break. I lean up, resting my cold hands on his cheeks, and looking into his soft green eyes.

"No one's ever made me feel like you do. I've lived the past few years in fear, but I don't feel that way with you. You gave me strength I didn't have before." I smile softly, before kissing his cheek, then the other then gently his lips. He wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me completely against him; making my heart flutter. "I love you." I whisper against his lips, clutching my eyes shut tightly.

"Jules, " HIs voice is breathy, and when I open my eyes, his smile could light the darkest city. "I love you too." He kisses me on the forehead, then my lips sweetly. "So much," He adds against them, making me smile as I hug him, feeling my nerves settle as he wraps me back up in him. Let Miles rage, and let the gang come, with him by my side, I can face anything.