A Deadly Affair

Twenty-Two

My heart has finally returned to normal beating after two hours of being back at the apartment. After Maya got her things together, we came back home, finding a worried Ben waiting for us; as soon as Ryan parked, he opened maya's door, picked her up and hugged her to him for several seconds. She obviously was confused, but I could tell she liked Ben's frantic hug more than mine; which I understood. There's just something about having your boyfriend hug you like you're the most precious thing to him. We all came upstairs, and Ryan wasted no time in telling Maya everything he told me last night: but today, I get to hear Ben's side too, which really isn't much new information. He tells her the same story of how he joined because Chris brought him to the hideout and there's really no going back unless you want to die. She handles it fairly well, except for the fact that she's pissed off instead of understanding. Well, Ben did join, but he didn't have a choice either when you think about it- he was drunk, then he woke up with a horrible hangover and the discovery that he was officially a gangster. I rub my temple; these poor boys.

"Did you have an initiation?" Maya asks her unusually stoic boyfriend, who only stares for a moment before nodding once. She raises a perfectly chiseled brow, giving him a "go on" look.

"I had to fight in the pit." He states, not offering any more information.

"The what?" I ask, my first time speaking since we got home. I throw a curious look to Ryan who Is standing at the balcony window, now looking as uncomfortable as his best friend.

Maya sighs in annoyance, her anger rising. She's red headed, and in her case it's true what they say- fiery temper. "What exactly was your gang?"

"Criminal." Ryan mutters simply, a dark look crossing his face as he looks out the window again.

Ben looks anywhere but the fuming red head, and I pull my legs up to my chest, suddenly needing the answer as well. "That isn't good enough." I tell Ryan, looking over to him; he looks at me, meeting my eyes, before nodding in understanding.

"We sold drugs, higher ups who were trained killed opponents from other gangs, and the fighting pit was a death ring." He tells us, his voice even. Maya gapes, while I curl deeper into myself; this would've been good information to know last night, when I was alone and had time to adjust. I should have asked these questions, but I didn't even think to; maybe part of me wanted to ignore what Ryan's past sins could be. Maybe I didn't want to know, which is why it never occurred to even ask.

"Did you kill anyone?" Maya asks Ben quietly, and his repentant hazel eyes meeting hers.

"No." He assures, gripping her hand in his; she melts at his touch, her anger seeping away mostly. It won't all go away for a while though. The room goes quiet, but I can't look at Ryan; I don't want to know his sins. Simon told me there's a lot I don't know about the man I share a bed with, yet, I can't find it in my aching heart to ask him. Because part of me knows, he could have done anything, and I still couldn't hate him.

"Tell her, Ben," Ryan interjects their moment, causing Ben to cast his eyes down to his boots, then back to his friend.

"Now isn't the time." He replies, causing Ryan to square his shoulders.

"They threatened her, they know who she is. Now is the only time, tell her or I will."

I look to Ryan, finding him staring holes into Ben, his warning very serious. Ben sighs, nodding more to himself.

Maya looks between them, her eyes wary, "What?"

Ben looks down at their hands, before he finally looks back up at her, showing pity in his eyes. Maya hates pity; detests it more than anything else. "Your Dad was a high ranking member of the gang." He tells her, his voice even as he gauges her reaction. I hold my breath, internally reeling from this secret: but unwilling to do anything but be there for my best friend.

She swallows hard, blinking several times, before sitting back on the couch. "High ranking?" Her voice is watery, but she has no tears; shock registers on her face, though she tries desperately to mask it.

"He was fourth in command." Ryan states, crossing his arms. His face shows his sympathy rather than pity; he knows from experience how she's feeling, to know someone you're related to could be capable of running something like that.

"He went to prison." She looks between them, "What was it for?"

"He got caught carrying out a hit." Ben tells her gently, and I can see he wants to comfort her, but Maya doesn't like to be touched when she's about to cry. She wants a moment to collect herself, which is what I'm mentally screaming at Ben. He somehow gets the hint, which I'm grateful for.

"How long did you know?" She asks quietly, her eyes boring into Ben's. He blinks, tossing a glance at me, but I'm confused too. "When did you realize I was his daughter?" She elaborates.

"Not until tonight." Ben admits. "When Ryan called, I started thinking of how they would know who you are, without talking to you. I remembered things you told me about your family, and figured it out on the way here." He tells her, his story seemingly adding up. Maya nods, inhaling a shaky breath; I realize she's cold by her goosebumps, and stand, heading into my room to grab a blanket for her. She loves the cream, cable knit throw I have, so I grab it from the closet. As I'm reaching up to the top shelf to get it, my phone buzzes in my back pocket; I grab it, answering without looking out of habit, then jump for the throw on the top shelf.

"Hello?" I answer, hopping again and gripping the throw.

"Hi, Julie." Chris's voice startles me, knocking the breath from my lungs as I freeze while all three throws on my shelf pile on top of me, knocking over my floor lamp in the process.

"What do you want?" I ask, panic rising up in me. Two calls in one day... how did he get my number?

"I see you found Maya. I'm happy about that." His chipper voice has me curling my hand into a fist; I would love to bash it into his face. "Are you two planning on taking that Tennessee trip you take every spring?" I can hear his smug smile, as the shock he was sure would appear rushes through me. He could have found that on instagram, easily, I reason.

"What do you want?" I repeat, fighting to keep my voice even. I hear footsteps, and register that the crash was heard from the living room. "Ryan's coming, so I suggest you get to your point."

He barks a cheerful laugh. "Hearing from my nephew twice in one day! What a nice surprise."

"Julie," Ryan's concerned voice calls; he's in his room, assuming I went in there.

"Yes, my point." Chris muses, as though he'd forgotten why he called. "I wanted to ask when your nephew's kindergarten graduation is?" My heart stalls, and I inhale a shaky breath. "That Liam, he's a cute kid. Charlotte must really have her hands full, what with a lawyer husband and a five year old to take care of. Tell me, how's your mother's wedding planning going? The park view venue is beautiful in the spring, I'm sure a lot of clients love it." He continues, as Ryan's footsteps draw near. "Am I correct or does Josh work for your father's construction company?" I can't breathe; he knows everything about the people I love. My heart races, and I can't form a response.

"Jules?" Ryan's behind me, and I turn to him; concern crosses his face before his jaw sets and his eyes flash. He motions for the phone, and I hand it to him wordlessly; he grips it, walking out of earshot as panic overtakes my entire being. He knows everything; he knew everyone's names and where they work. Does he know where they live? Would he hurt them to get to me? Would he kidnap them, or worse? Tears prick my eyes as I imagine Liam being taken from Drew and my sister, terrified and crying as he's held captive because of me. His favorite Aunt. I grip my chest as it constricts and fire consumes me; I scratch at my skin, feeling as though thousands of ants are crawling on me. I can't breathe. I sit on the floor, pulling my legs to my chest and rocking back and forth. It's a minute before someone picks me up in their arms, then sitting on the floor, with me on their lap; when arms wrap around me, and amber fills my nose, I cry, gripping Ryan as he holds me. "It's okay, I'll fix it." He promises, but his voice sounds far away. How can he fix it? How can we protect everyone and ourselves? I don't know.

I don't know.