A Submissive To A Woman (Book 1) 18+

Chapter 29 "Apologies"

SIYA P.O.V

There's so much about me that has changed in the last couple of years. my temper always seems to get the best of me since she died. I don't ever seem to let anyone close to me anymore and when I do I push them away, not purposely but it always happens.

I use to be different, softer, kinder more caring more loving and I am but only Mayleen ever sees that side of me and Arabella but things have changed. The way she smiled didnt seem that real to me anymore, the way she laughed, god the way she laughed. It was uncontrollable and unapologetically beautiful.

The love seemed to be fading and she didn't seem that happy with me anymore but she listened, she submitted, she knelled but that was all she did. She seemed trapped in her mind more then enjoying the likes of me.

I left Anastasia's house in a hurry because I seen the way they looked at one another. well I seen the way Arabella looked at her. Almost as if she was in a trance. I didn't like it. She was the only women I ever allowed to truly get to know me. She might not know everything but she knows the most important things.

A couple hours later Arabella came home. The tears in her eyes were evident. She gave me a sad look and then she walked away.

"Come here" I said to stop her from walking away.

"Yes ma'am" she said

She came close to me as I patted my lap and she soon sat down. My arms wrapped around her waist and for the first time in a while arabella looked content.

She wrapped her arms around my neck laying her head on my shoulders and then she sighed. It seemed like the breath she was holding in finally came out and she allowed me to see actually her.

She broke down crying and she held me. She held me like she was afraid I was going to leave but she allowed me to see her when she wasnt at her best. I needed to see that

"What arent you telling me" I whispered as I rubbed her back soothingly "I feel it. Just tell me"

Arabellas eyes landed on me and she sat up. She placed both legs on either side of me and she sat down further on top of me. Our eyes met and this time neither of us looked away.

Arabella always had this thing. She could never hold eye contact with me. It was like she was afraid to do so but this time she did.

"Kiss me" arabella pleaded the desperation in her voice told me she wanted to be loved right now. She needed to be touched.

I kissed her, it was quick. A soft peck. It was short but she enjoyed it.

"I wasn't a good person before I met you. I need you to know that there are things about me you dont know" she confessed

"There are things about me you dont know as well" siya stated

"There are things about me that if you found out. You would hate me" Arabella confessed again

I brought my finger up to arabellas lips to shush her. I thought it was ridiculous she was saying this.

"Nothing could ever make me hate you" I smiled

There have been times that my anger has gotten the best of me and I've put my hands on arabella outside of her being my submissive. So I had alot to be sorry for.

I always felt the need to show her how much I cared about her. I knew that it was easy to control arabella and in someway in my sick mind I enjoyed that.

Having the ability to strip her control away made me feel grounded, content but it was only in the bedroom that it got me off.

I had secrets and alot of them. So I was the kind of person who was always patient when someone wasnt ready to open up.

Anger problems ran in my family. I grew up watching my father beat my mother and it was traumatizing for me as a child and honestly thats all I knew.

Now I was the spitting image of my dad, hitting on women who dont even deserve it. That's my fault I can't blame him for how I turned out now.

Arabella was a beauty and by beauty I mean she was perfection. Atleast to me she was, and always would be.