all credit goes to morning fears on tumblr
Rating: M | This is smut! No one under 18!
Summary: Best friend's dad!Luke | Following graduation night, you haven't seen Luke. You've barely spoken to Dylan. You feel overwhelmed and anxious but you can't miss Dylan's engagement party. So, you put on your best dress and decide that Luke can wait until after the party is over. (Luke is about 43 in this, reader is 22.)
Word Count: 10.1k (Grab a snack, get some water. It's a long one, kids.)
The eerie green glow emanating from your alarm clock mixes with the dusty orange of the street light just outside your window and illuminates your bedroom ceiling as you find yourself unable to sleep yet again. Nights spent tossing and turning, battling the cacophony of thoughts rampantly running through your mind, are more frequent than they've ever been. You know exactly why you can't sleep, why you can't seem to quiet your brain long enough to truly rest, but that doesn't stop you from hoping that the string of sleepless nights will end.
Two weeks have passed since graduation; two weeks since the night you shared with Luke; two weeks since you've had a proper night's sleep.
You've managed to isolate yourself from nearly everyone in an effort to quiet your deafening thoughts. You've managed to bury yourself in a new project at work and adequately excuse yourself from social obligations but the loneliness has only worsened your spiraling emotions. You can't keep the anxiety bubbling in your chest, eating at your nerves and setting you on edge, at bay. And not having your confidant, your rock, your person, to lean on is enough to make you feel like you're going to drown beneath the waves of overwhelming emotion surging in the pit of your stomach.
You've spoken to Dylan a handful of times, each only to assure her that you're alright and just incredibly busy with work now that you have ample time to focus on more than one assignment. Your calls never last long as the sound of her voice fills your stomach with fresh waves of guilt and the sight of her blond curls and adorable nose reminds you of Luke. You can't think about her without feeling the sting of fresh tears and something akin to an injection of icy water in the form of terror running through your veins.
You'd thought about her before you actually knew you stood a chance with Luke, thought about her reaction, but actually sleeping with him, having him in your bed and caressing your skin, made it real. It made the disgust you pictured on her face real. It made the anger you imagined she'd feel real. It made the thought that you would end up having to continue living your life without your best friend by your side real. It made the thought that you'd just ruined one of the healthiest father-daughter relationships you'd ever seen real.
It made all of the negatives that had previously stopped you from giving Luke anymore attention than was necessary real and you feel like kicking yourself for giving in to your base desires.
But the worst part of it all is that despite the overwhelming amount of emotions bubbling in the pit of your stomach, you're not sure you'd change anything if you were to be given the chance to do so.
You don't regret sleeping with Luke. You feel guilty, yes, and you're terrified to know what will happen when Dylan finds out (because you're certain that the guilt will eat you alive if you don't tell her) but you can't bring yourself to regret being with him. To you, it wasn't just sex. It wasn't a mindless hookup begging to be forgotten. You want it to be the beginning of something bigger, of something real. You want it to be the start of a new chapter in your life. And a part of you, an unreasonable part that you rarely listen to, tells you that Luke wants it, too.
The way that he made you feel, the care and affection that he showed you, lets that part of you know that it wasn't just sex to him either. The fact that you woke up to him still beside you, fingers tracing patterns against your skin and eyes shining warmly as he studied your face, tells you that he feels something. And while you're terrified that he'll lose interest in you quickly, realize that he can do better than an insecure twenty-something still finding her way through life, you find yourself desperate for the chance to be with him again.
