DREAMS and SHIT

Um naked path guy?

I honestly don't know how to title this fucking dream because it was  S O  weird.

It starts off with my dad and I at an amusement park that I've never seen but has appeared in many of my dreams. We go on a ride that my brain decides not to include in the dream, but we have to go through a locker room to get out.

When we get into the locker room and start grabbing our things, I see a bitch from grade 4, we'll call her Wendy. Wendy started my depression, to put her into perspective.

Well she had papers after papers of shit on me that I had written in grade 4 and was ready to share everything. They involved my depression, crushes (though I never had any that year) and just general shit that apparently would humiliate me.

So the locker room leads to a ??? Wal-Mart ??? and everyone's just grocery shopping? But she's bound and determined to spread all this stuff about me, so she walks off.

Instead of trying to stop her, I go wander around and find my sister in the clothing section. I'm like a little frazzled but trying to keep my cool, right.

Well she apparently sided with Wendy more than me and started mocking me pretty much. I may or may not have slapped her a few times ...

So I go off somewhere else and Wendy finds me so I fucking punch her ass (not literally), but this adult steps in and starts bitching at for being depressed and shit, but not socking Wendy in the face.

So being the rational, calm, patient person my dream has proven me to be.....

I bitch slap her.

She fucking starts screaming at me and is like "did you guys see this?!" And a guy who's had his back turned THE ENTIRE TIME is like "yeah lady I saw it" and I'm just standing there thinking "uh no, bitch, you didn't".

Well I leave the Walmart and start heading home but realize I don't have my compass card (for those of you that aren't aware, it's like a reusable bus pass) and I can't get anywhere without it.

So I start walking back to the Walmart, literally sobbing. I get there and they're like "um you've been banned because you assaulted some people" but one worker is kind of like "look at her, she's clearly changed".

I'm just standing there, arms up in surrender, fucking crying, and wanting my phone, which had the compass card in the case. I honestly wanted my compass card more but that's hella unrealistic.

They eventually let me in because the good worker knew I needed it to get home. I walk in and the lady I slapped is on my right and Wendy is on my left. Both try talking to me but I just walk away.

As I'm in the frozen foods aisle, a girl from MY SECOND GRADE CLASS IN PERFECT DETAIL tells me to pull up my pants before walking away. ??? Sure ???

I wander around and eventually stop by where I slapped the lady, and as I'm bending down, feel something shift in my pocket. Upon further inspection, it's my mfing phone.

So I stand up and start walking out and Wendy tried to stop me to tell me about another one of her plans but I kept walking as if the place would explode behind me while I put on a pair of sunglasses.

So I'm walking over a hill when someone from my fifth grade class looks at me and says, I shit you not, "hey, remember that kid you had back in high school? Yeah he's 53 now."

KASJSLSJSJ I HAD A KID SKSJSKSJ WHAT?!?!?!?

So I'm apparently the teenage mother to a 53 year old man. I'm not sure if you're aware, but I'm 14. So wHat.

I just look at him and say "that's not how math works" and walk away but he runs into his house saying he'll show me. I win the mom of the year award, huh.

So I realized how foggy is was and pull out a stupid pokemon go type app but this has a built in flashlight and I wasn't getting pokemon. It was tracking my distance in "pats"...

I wound up finding a kid from grade 8 (dear lord why all of them today) and start walking together, but the flashlight on the app is trash so I use my normal flashlight and he uses the app to track our pats....

Well I hear footsteps behind me and I've watched enough CSI to know how this ends, so I turn around and oh. My. God.

There's a hairy, overweight white male, presumably intoxicated, fully nude and running around. He was censored, which was much appreciated, but my brain probably didn't know how to animate a penis while someone runs.

I look back ahead because he doesn't really look like he's chasing us since he's not making any moves to catch up while we're walking, and soon runs past. I get a good view of that hairy ass as the dude I'm with, we'll call him Billy, makes a comment on how we're almost at "9 pats".

In real life, Billy and I barely know each other, but are good friends in the dream apparently. My mom's house is in sight, so I have like 500 questions. I knew exactly where the Walmart was, and it was NO WHERE near my mom's place.

It's around just over an hour long bus ride to get from her place to the Walmart, and you're telling me that I WALKED IT. I looked it up and that's THREE HOURS AND FOURTY FIVE MINUTES OF WALKING! EIGHTEEN KILOMETERS!

So this drunk guy keeps swerving whenever we try to walk away from him and I can't tell if it's cause he's drunk or a murderer, but either way, he's naked and running around some underage children. Sounds like jail time to me, right?

Well apparently we're up against the guy from the fucking treadmill music video because without skipping a beat, he turns around and starts running backwards, making eye contact with Billy.

And then I wake up.