We are all blind

Confessions

Helga seemed so happy to hear Sidsel tell her about her newfound feelings toward the youngest of the Ragnarssons. Sidsel let her know how confused she'd been the last couple of days and how scared she was at the same time. Helga had been very understanding and loving as she always was. She had told the blind girl that it was scary but that was normal and that she should absolutely talk to Ivar about this and she was sure that he felt the same way because he would look at her like he never looked at anyone else. 

She had thanked Helga for her encouragement and then when they had been talking about the upcoming trip to the Mediterranian, footsteps approached them from behind where they were seated by the hearth - Helga sewing something in her lap. 

"Björn, Royd", Helga greeted the two tall men approaching. "Helga", they greeted as they stepped closer. 

"I'm looking for Floki", Björn said. "And I need to speak to my sister, and we should get back to town - queen Aslaug has invited us for dinner", Royd explained. Sidsel nodded and got up, staff in hand. "Thank you again, Helga", she smiled towards her. "Anytime, Sidsel, you know you're always welcome. Björn, let me take you to Floki, he should be nearby with a carving", she said and turned her full attention to the oldest of the Ragnarssons. 

Royd took Sidsels hand and put it on his other elbow as they started to make their way back to Kattegat. "Is something wrong brother?" Sidsel asked after they had walked for a little while. 

A long sigh came from his mouth, making Sidsel slightly nervous.

"I don't know how you will take this, dear sister", he started which made Sidsel even more nervous. 

"Father... he is growing impatient with this whole arrangement with you, Asta and the Ragnarssons". Sidsel frowned but didn't say anything yet. She wanted to hear everything Royd needed to say first. "Since neither of you is married yet, he wants you to come back with us to Köpingsvik once we've returned from the summer raids", he paused, waiting for a reaction from Sidsel. 

"No", she said after a minute of silence. "I will not do anything father tells me too! I will not let him dictate my life anymore!" Sidsel growled under her words. 

"Sidsel, I-", Royd started but Sidsel interrupted. 

"Royd! You're next in line to be Jarl, aren't you? Surely you wouldn't force me to do anything I don't want to do?"

"But I'm not Jarl yet", Royd protested. "But as my brother, please, give me some choice. Give me some freedom, I feel trapped and for the longest time I hated my father for sending me to Kattegat but now I like it here. I don't like the arrangement father made with Aslaug, but besides that making me feel trapped, I feel more independent here than I ever did back home. If I leave it will be of my own will - not his", she argued. 

Royd didn't say anything else, because he knew to argue with Sidsel about this would only make her upset. 

~

Sidsel didn't speak during dinner unless directly spoken to. She was sitting with Ivar on her right side and Royd on her left, stuck in between - like she felt in general. She barely acknowledged them for the whole dinner, eating in silence just thinking about what to do. She absentmindedly listened to Halvor who spoke with the queen about Köpingviks new defenses they've been developing over the last year. After a while, she slowly got up after thanking Aslaug for the dinner and excusing herself. 

 She found herself by the shore, in the cold sand, just listening to the calming sounds of the water moving slowly back and forth over the sand. She had only been sitting there by herself for a few minutes before she could hear Ivar making his way over. She had been so excited at first when leaving Helga earlier because she had wanted to tell him, but now if she was to leave Kattegat in a few months, maybe it wasn't the best idea to tell him- or maybe it was. She was so conflicted.  

"Are you upset with me still?" He asked as he settled himself beside her. She didn't answer at first, just because she wanted him to get uncomfortable for a second. She just started to draw circles in the sand with one of her fingers. He sighed and she could tell he got irritated. That made her chuckle a bit before answering. "No, it's my father", she started with a sigh, "Royd told me before dinner that he wants to bring me back to Köpingsvik", she brought her knees up to her chin and rested her head on them as she hugged her own legs. 

"And I'm confused as to what I want", she continued while closing her eyes. A warm and strong arm wrapped around her and she automatically leaned into the touch and let her head rest on his shoulder. "I want you to stay", he whispered and leaned his head on top of hers. Those words brought a smile on Sidsels face and making her heart flutter. They stayed like that for a while, just leaning into each other, comforting each other as they usually did. But Ivar decided to disrupt the peace. 

"What did you want to tell me earlier?" He asked. "I'm calm now", he added as he remembered that she said that he needed to calm down. She swallowed hard and tried to sit up straight to get some space between them, but he held her firmly against him. 

"Well... em... so", she didn't know how to start, and her face started to get really hot from blushing. "I went to Helga today to talk about... uh... some emotions that has been conflicting me the past few days". She wanted to hide her face from him, but she couldn't. She hoped he didn't see how flustered she was. 
"Ever since... y-you kissed me, I've been having these feelings that I can't place and well-"

Before Sidsel could react, Ivar lifted her chin with the hand not already holding her and pressed his lips to hers. Her mind went blank for a second as his lips started to move against hers. She then responded, matching his soft movements. The kiss was so tender and sweet, making her whole body slowly heat up.  

"I want more than friendship with you", he whispered against her lips as he parted from the kiss. 
"Me too", Sidsel said and now it was she who pressed their lips together in a smile.