Now playing - Connor x Evan (Treebros)

Dear

Now playing: Another brick in the wall

Evan

I couldn't stop the tears from falling as I typed on the computer

I hated being alone with my thoughts now, but of course being Evan Hansen I was always alone with my thoughts, I was always alone

I was always isolated, ignored, never bothered as if I didn't exist sometimes then I'd hear Jared bring me back to existence whenever I saw him

I stared at the computer the words written purely developed on my own feelings, no lies, nothing stupid a real letter full of emotions, Dr Sherman said that they should be positive and tell me something to look forward too

This was anything but that, it was the emotions I could feel, that I could never express and our if pure frustration they were now displayed on my screen

I looked down taking my eyes off the bright white screen which was most definitely hurting my eyesight and I stared at my arm encased in white plaster and sighed,

All I could remember is lying on the ground with the throbbing pain and thinking any moment now, somebody will come, but no one came, no one ever comes, I don't remember climbing the tree but I remember being stood at the top feeling free, but falling, falling for so long

I knew I didn't want to die, I knew I wanted to stay here with my mum, with Jared, they cared, maybe my dad did too, at some point maybe he did care, maybe at some point I cared but I couldn't help but feel so worthless right now

My fingers were moving at my own accorded as I fished typing my letter with harsh pushes on each letter as I tried to calm my breathing down as my eyes flew through what I had written, almost sad to see what I'd come too

Dear Evan Hansen,
It turns out, this wasn't an amazing day after all. This isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year, Because... why would it be?

Oh I know. Because there's Zoe. All my hope is pinned on Zoe. Who I don't even know and who doesn't know me. But maybe if I did. Maybe if I could just talk to her, then maybe... maybe nothing would be different at all

I wish that everything was different. I wish that I was a part of... something. I wish that anything I said... mattered, to anyone. I mean, face it: would anybody even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

Sincerely, Your best and most dearest friend, Me.

I wiped away the tears and checked my reflection in the window and it wasn't enough tears to make my face go red and blotchy and I breathed a small sigh of relief, well maybe there was an ever so small light at the end of the tunnel, a small glimmer, a little flicker of hope

I'd always hoped and wished for the same thing, to be apart of something, a club, a friend group, an activity, something where I felt as if I belonged. I wanted to be friend with someone, someone like Zoe, she was in the year below me, she was so talented and mature I'd love to know her, I'd love to have a friendship and have that security in my life, but being a anxiety riddled teen, it was impossible

Mum said nothing was impossible but I'm pretty sure this was definitely impossible, if anyone could find a way it would be me

I let out another long depressed sigh and I clicked print on the document and walked over to the printer which was flashing with an error of no paper

Even better. The small things made your day worse sometimes

I sighed and peered through the IT's window looking out at the storage cupboard to make sure the corridor was clear but the entrance was blocked by no other than Zoe Murphy's older brother, Connor.