Illusion

Chapter 21 : FaceTime, Unconventional Intimacy and Gucci Toothbrushes

"Louis…” Harry breathed out as the door to the disabled toilet swung closed behind him and he felt like he could finally breathe for the first time in hours. He locked it quickly behind him even though he knew he shouldn’t be in there conducting his love life. However, he needed privacy and the disabled toilet seemed as good a place as any. He just hoped that no one would need to use it before his conversation with Louis was over.

“Oh thank God! You answered,” Louis rushed out in response and Harry could hear the genuine relief in his voice.

“Of course I answered, Lou, why wouldn’t I?”

“Oh I don’t know, babe. Maybe because i've been a total twat for the last four days?” Louis began and Harry struggled to suppress a watery chuckle because he knew Louis well enough to know he was gearing up for a sarcasm fueled rant, and he’d never welcomed it more in his life.

“Or maybe it’s because I called you selfish when I was the one being selfish?” Louis continued, “Or maybe it's because i've ignored you for the last two days? Or maybe, it's because I couldn't even take thirty bloody seconds to send you a text message to thank you for the beautiful Peonies, Dea brought me. And don't even get me started on that note Harold.”

Harry couldn’t help the dimple filled grin that spread across his face at Louis’ words. He could hear the old Louis slowly creeping back. The old Louis, who had a quick wit and enough sarcasm to sink the Titanic. The real Louis. The Louis who had stolen his heart from the very beginning. He could hear it in his voice and he was so glad that Louis was returning to his old self again. His confident, sarcastic, not a care in the world, self. Even if he wasn’t aware of it just yet.

“It-- It’s ok, love. You don’t have to apol-” Harry started to say, but he was cut short by Louis, not able to get the rest of the sentence out. He wasn't sure whether he wanted to laugh or cry. He wished so much that he could hug Louis and kiss him. To feel his skin beneath his fingertips, to feel his breath on his neck as he spoke to him and to breathe in the scent of him. He grounded him more than any other force on the planet, like a rope to an anchor and it was the one thing he needed more than anything in that moment. He needed to get out of here. He needed to go, his heart needed to go home.

“Don’t. Don’t even finish that sentence,” Louis cut in. “If anyone needs to apologise it’s bloody well me, Haz. No one deserves to be treated the way i’ve treated you these last few days. No one. There is no excuse for it. None at all. Other than I was being a moody prick and acting like a two year old. And i’m sorry. I know that doesn't even being to make up for it, but I am. I’m really fucking sorry.”

“I’m not without blame either Louis,” Harry rushed to say. “You may have been acting like an idiot but I was no better. I was the one who decided to sleep in the studio last night, not you. I don't know what I was thinking. I regretted it as soon as I was down there, but I just didn't know what to do or how to fix this. How to fix us.”

“I know my love, I know. I haven’t made it easy for you. I was upset and my head was a bit of a mess and I took it out on you. I don’t blame you for going to the studio last night. I was barely even looking at you or speaking to you. If the shoe had been on the other foot I would probably have done the same. Please don’t blame yourself, baby. Please? I love you. More than anything. You are my everything, my reason for living. I really hope you know that.”

Harry didn't know why, but as Louis came to the end of his short speech he broke down, his knees giving way and he slid down the back of the toilet door until he was laying in a crumpled heap on the floor. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his free arm around them, sobbing into the crook of his arm uncontrollably, barely able to drag air into his lungs. He wished he had thought to bring his inhaler with him. Why he’d thought he would be able to survive this idiotic meeting without it was beyond him, but there wasn't much he could do about that now. It hurt more knowing that one touch, one kiss, even one look from Louis would be enough to calm him, but Louis wasn't with him and he could feel the panic rising within him.