Chaotic Hearts | ✓

22 | breaking

A / N

It's here early. Yay?

Dedicating this to sri210. Thank you for reading this story :)

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22 | breaking

WHAT NAINA HAD said bothered Shivaay. All day long he could only think that if they hadn't found Anika then what her life would have been like. If she would have found someone else? Someone more deserving, perhaps? And what would have happened if she had fallen in love with somebody else and then remembered Shivaay. Would she have come back to him?

He knew he didn't deserve Anika. She was way too precious for him. And he? He was a loser. Somebody who lived off his family's riches. He couldn't keep his anger in check, often leading to certain unpleasant encounters.

He didn't want to think about it and yet it was the only thing on his mind. It was all he could think about. So Shivaay did what he did best when he needed to distract himself from such thoughts. He drowned himself in work. A cup of black coffee, his laptop and a comfortable position were enough to keep those maddening questions at bay. Until he rummaged through his drawers for a particular file and a box fell it. The contents scattered and Shivaay picked them up. His fingers danced upon the surface. He should have closed them or better burned them. But he didn't. Instead, like the fool he was, he opened it and read the letters that were the proof Shivaay Singh Oberoi was weak.

To my beloved,

Where are you? Do you know how miserable I am without you here? I am literally falling apart, splintering.

There's this hole inside my chest which keeps getting larger and larger every moment I spend without you. I am fucking miserable without you. Losing you, I have lost everything. My peace, my mind, my sanity or you can say I have lost myself. I bury myself in work, barely eating and always high on caffeine. Why? Because I don't want to think I have you lost you forever. I avoid thinking about you, spend time away from everything that reminds me of you but you still crop up in my mind. Because you are you and I, Shivaay Singh Oberoi, am insanely and madly in love with you. You have my heart, my trust, my everything and without you here, I can't cope up.

I try not to think about you. But sometimes, I cannot not think about you. And at times like these, I break. I find myself slumping against a wall, crying like a baby. I can't sleep at night. I am up late, working like my life depends on it. I can't even close my eyes without your image coming in front of my eyes. Every time your name so much as comes up in a conversation, I find my eyes watering and my stomach turns around in this ugly way. My breaths shorten and they come out shaky and I can barely stand properly. Because guess what? Shivaay Singh Oberoi, for the life of him, cannot help but love Anika Maheshwari and miss her every moment. Without you, my love, the air is toxic.

I used to love photography, I always had that camera around my neck and now, I don't even touch it. I cannot.

Please come back. I need you.

Yours and yours only,

Shivaay.

It made his breath catch in his throat and tears brimmed his eyes because for a moment, his mind was transported back to the time when everything around him was falling. He quickly stuffed the letter back into the box, no longer able to stand it. It was short but it was raw and vulnerable. It made him feel weak again. He wiped the corner of his eyes.