heart like yours

she

It wouldn't have worked anyway.

Thats what I tell myself at least.

I hardly know her.

I make excuses for myself.

She's straight and will never be into you.

The partial lie I tell to myself.

She will reject you.

Other excuse.

And other and other and other and other and other- until

I am convinced that it isn't possible, it wouldn't work, it will never happen. I'm back at square one, admiring from a far, making jokes if she wants them, talking to her if she wants me to talk to her, just being there for her. I was cool being her friend. I believed that for so long. Pushing down the feelings that were trying to pour out. Trying to keep a normal face instead a goofy smile, trying not to laugh at her bad jokes or dramatic stories, trying not to faint when she would wink at me, trying not to be out of breathe when she smiled at me, trying not gush at her adorable laugh, trying not to tense up when she was next to me, trying not to freeze up when she rested her head on my shoulder. Trying not to show this beautiful, charming, hilarious, perfect girl how much of an affect she had one me. I was cool being her friend, but I wasn't.

They say putting yourself out there is a good thing. You shouldn't be afraid to be yourself or show people your true colors. Well I tried. I put myself on the line for nothing.

It didn't work out.

I know.

You'll never know her more than distant friend.

I know.

She will never be into you.

I know.

She rejected you.

I know.

I'll go back to admiring from a far. Ill go back to maybe hearing her laugh if she is near. Ill start not talking. Ill start avoiding eye contact. Ill avoid being in the same room. Ill avoid this perfect girl because Id still do what she wants. And as of now, not being friends will just have to do.

You are so helplessly and completely smitten with her.

Sadly, I know.