Am I Bad Enough For You

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Warning: This chapter has some fucking content that may be disturbing to some viewers. Viewer discretion is fucking advised.

·Alex·

Ronnie and Max pulled me out of the cafeteria and then to the outside of the school. I faintly heard Ronnie tell Max to go away, leaving me alone with him. I was thrown on the ground and then I felt the kicks anywhere and everywhere. From my side, to my stomach, my legs, my arms, my head, anywhere he could reach. I didn't even care, it still hurt, but I seemed numb to it. My cries if agony only a mist of air.

"What did I tell you?" Ronnie screamed, pulling me up and slamming me against the wall. I was in a daze, the pain making the words in my mind go away. Maybe in the back of my head I felt bad for the kid I beat up, but not now. I was in my own world of bliss.

"Answer me!" he yelled and kneed my stomach. I groaned a little but answered. "You said that n-nobody cared about how I f-felt and that I shouldn't beat up other kids. I'm the only one that deserves it."

"Exactly! And what did you do?" he yelled, gripping my throat and tripping my legs, making me dangle in mid-air. "I beat up another kid."

"Let's go." he said while letting go of my neck and grabbing my arm, pulling me towards his car. Great my dad, he's always a fun one to hang out with. He didn't hurt me physically often, but when he does its brutal. I would take any punishment I had coming to me now. Look what I don't to that poor, innocent kid at lunch. He didn't deserve that, he was probably self conscience as much as it is.

Ronnie threw me in the back seat and he got in the front, driving away from the school. They really need better security, he literally just drove away and no-one noticed. I just dread for what happens when I get home.

The rid was fast and silent, but I wasn't paying attention to that now. All that was flooding my mind was that kid and how bad I hurt him. I shouldn't have laid a finger on him, look where it got me. His parents at probably worried sick and wondering if anything is broken.

We pulled up outside of the junkyard and he grabs me out of the back seat, throwing me over the fence. I landed on the ground with a loud thump. I moaned in pain and he pulled me up, dragging me to the trailor. I had my eyes shut the whole time, but I did hear when he banged on the door. I heard when the door opened. And I also heard my dad's angry voice.

"Why the hell is that piece of shit here? I kicked him out yesterday!" he yelled, causing me to flinch at his words. Just his voice made me want to cry. "He beat up some kid at school, maybe you should teach him a lesson. I have yo get back to school." Ronnie said and that's when I was dropped.

"I guess it's just you and me." my dad said and then grabbed my shirt, dragging me over to a secluded spot in the junkyard. It was so far away form the other houses that you probably couldn't even hear my screams. I was released onto the ground onto my back and then I felt him sit on my stomach. I groaned, him being so heavy that my breathing was getting labored.

"Who said that you were aloud to touch other kids?" he asked, not really wanting an answer. I opened my eyes and saw him take something out of his pocket, a knife. My eyes widened at the sight if the silver blade. Is he going to kill me? At least I won't have to do it myself. He took the knife and pit it to the top of my shirt, cutting it off.

He grabbed my throat, choking me, and laughed as I tried to find air. I hated when people grabbed my throat, I always have. Most likely because he did it to me a lot and whenever someone does it, I cry or have a panic attack.

He let go of my throat and took the knife, putting it to my side, letting the silver ridges dig into my flesh. I let out a whimper, causing him to laugh at my pain, before he dragged it across my stomach. It wasn't deep enough to kill me, but enough to make tears come to my eyes. He did it again, five times, all in a straight line going up my stomach. I was breathing heavy and sobbing.

He then got off of me and started kicking everywhere, just like Ronnie had. In the midst of it all I faintly heard him yelling things at me such as 'fag' 'bitch' and 'pussy'. Nothing out of the ordinary. After kicking me for a few minutes him sat back on top of me, pulling the knife back out.

"Does it hurt?" he asked and I still didn't reply, knowing he didn't want one. I felt the knife at the top of my ribs, right under my chest, and he dragged it down. Making it run through the cuts he previously made. I couldn't hold in my screams anymore and I let it out, yelling bloody murder and crying hysterically. My stomach probably looked like a bloody checkerboard by now. He placed his hand over my mouth and did it again and again.I couldn't tell how many, I was in to much pain to even think properly.

When he finally stopped I sighed in relief, but it wasn't over yet. "I kicked you out! Why couldn't you just leave like everyone else wanted you to?" he yelled at me and grabbed my arms, making me wince. He pulled them above my head and started cutting my forearm (on the top). When he was done with that arm he started on the other. I was a sobbing, disgusting, bleeding mess by now. I felt like passing out, and hopefully I would. The last thing I remember was him spitting on me before I pasted out.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXx

When I woke up it was dark out and I didn't see anybody around me. It was probably 6:00 or 7:00 because it wasn't too light or too dark. I got up, shockingly, and sneakily made my way out of the junkyard, going back to the ally I slept in yesterday. When I got there I noticed that my bag full of clothes was still where I left it and I put on a hoodie, leaving on my jeans.

When I sat on the concrete floor I started bawling like crazy. I know that I deserved what I got, that's not why I'm crying. I'm crying because I wish I was a better person. It may seem easy for some people, but I can't. I've been through so much and I don't know anything else but hate. I don't understand why my dad and Ronnie get so mad whenever I bully kids, it's not like they care if I'm mean to anybody. Maybe it's true what Ronnie said. Maybe I only deserve pain.

It will get better I promise

Schools good too, except for people yelling shit at me and saying stuff. But it's alright :>