I Was Joking

Internet Safety

*RIP Stan Lee. You will be missed by billions.*

"Peter's already given me an earful, so you can spare the lecture.", Tony remarked, still anticipating the anger boiling off of Pepper. The woman said nothing, simply dragging him by the arm to the press conference hall.

In the span of a day, his prideful words about Peter had spread like wildfire across the internet. Which, of course, led to theories sprouting left and right. Some of them had bought the intern story, simply believing that Tony was speaking hopefully about the teen and was setting him up for success, like a good mentor. Others had gotten the idea that this was a 'reward' for doing things that made Tony want to hunt them down individually and put their heads on a spike. The unpopular one, however, was the one that was right.

The irony was amusing to him.

And now, before things went too crazy, a press conference was being held to address the problem and—hopefully—get the press to leave him and his aunt out of the picture. Paparazzi can be like parasites to a story, as he learned in his younger years.

Peter had stood by his word; that he didn't care what the press was told, as long as it left them alone. Pepper hadn't prepared a spiel this time, knowing full well he won't follow it. Tony had a million things going through his head at the moment but kept walking at a steady pace anyway. The man put on his sunglasses right before entering the room full of reporters and gave them an "award-winning" smile, walking to the podium.

Peter sat by Ned, watching the press conference live from Ned's phone in the cafeteria; just like every other student at the moment to their own devices. They were all still seated at their usual tables, but all staring at the same thing, nonetheless. A glance around the room made Peter a bit anxious.

The two watched Peter's father walk up to the podium and take an extended drink of water, silencing the reporters with a finger (no, not that one) as he did so. The teen chuckled slightly at the extended period of silence, rolling his eyes.

"Whelp.", Tony began, raising his arms up slightly as if shrugging.

"Chalk one up for the conspiracy theorists."

Ned's eyes widened significantly, slowly turning to Peter for confirmation as to what he just heard. Peter huffed but nodded anyway.

"NANI?!", Leeds whisper-shouted, though it was still a scream to Peter. "I'm sorry, and you're just now telling me, what, now that it just got outed to the entire f*cking country?", he questioned, now clearly exasperated.

Peter curled up slightly, miraculously making himself smaller than he already was. "I'm sorry, okay? Just, Christ, I'm still figuring this stuff out! I only found out recently, and it's kind of hard to put into words.", the human example of a roly-poly explained, opting to stare at the screen instead of the ever-growing stares from his classmates.

Ned took a breath, patting Peter's back as a way of comfort. He breathed a laugh. "Of course you're the son of a billionaire. I swear, every day you're turning into a Gary Sue." "Am not!" "Are too. Got the alter ego/cheap generator name, tragic backstory, slightly OP superpowers, and now this. I swear, if you end up having a prophecy that you need to battle a demon lord and become king of the universe, I wouldn't be surprised."

"Actually...", Peter trailed off jokingly, earning a light punch in the arm from Ned. "But seriously, if that were to ever happen, you'd be my right-hand man, right?" "Of course, dude."

The teens shifted their attention back to the screen, where Tony was answering questions with slight amusement.

"How long have you known about him?" a reporter asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, he's been my intern for a little over a year, but we only found out about the big thing...about a week ago.", Tony answered with a shrug.

"Has he been set up to take over the company in that time span as well?" "Oh no, he was always going to be the heir. I trust that kid more than I do myself. This just gave me another reason.", Tony answered truthfully, with a little smile.

"Another?" "Another?", Tony repeated after a moment of hesitation. "You're giving me explicit permission to boast about Peter?" The reporter nodded, although slightly confused. Tony turned to Pepper and gave the dopiest smile. The woman rolled her eyes. If there's one thing Tony loved doing, it's bragging about Peter. "Great, now he's never going to let you leave.", she remarked as he grabbed a seat and casually moved in front of the podium.

"Alright, for one-"

Peter tried to pretend like everything was normal for the rest of the day. Ned did too, but the rest of the school didn't seem to get the message. Flash didn't bother him all day, but seemed more than upset at the turn of events. "Of f*ucking course he is. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that he's Spider-Man.", he heard the bully grumble to one of his lackeys right after lunch ended.

Students, teachers, and people he was pretty sure didn't go to his school were constantly going up to him and trying to get close to him to get favors, money or popularity. Honestly, it was pretty sad. They weren't even trying to be subtle.

MJ, thankfully, had figured it out on the trip. "You two look too similar to not be related.", she commented, but had left it at that. Thank god Liz wasn't there anymore; that would be the sole cause of his unaliving.

Peter got out of school as soon as possible, keeping his head low until he found an isolated alley to change into. Slipping on his Spider-Man mask, he hid his backpack and made a note of the address.

"Greetings, Spider King. Scanning for crime now.", Karen greeted as Spider-Man crawled up the brick wall of the building and swung away from the nearest building, ready to help out the little guy.

"But-- But--", Tony playfully stammered after Pepper had sent the reporters away.

"You can brag about your son to the Avengers Dad Club.", Pepper remarked, already retrieving her StarkPad and getting back to work.

Tony rolled his eyes. He really wasn't looking forward to talking to the Avengers. Mostly because of all the crap they'll give him. However, he sighed in defeat and walked to the private elevator. Peter's patrol ding went off as the doors shut.

Then opened back up to reveal a bunch of blue balloons and an 'It's a Boy!' banner hanging over the living room with an excited Clint and Scott sitting in the middle.