I Was Joking

Fun Sized!!

Not gonna lie, Baby Peter is pretty damn adorable.

The small child quietly squirmed in his seat, rubbing his nose as Friday was running a diagnostic. Tony sat across from him, arms crossed in thought. "So you're telling me that the decay from that villain made a gas, which turned you into a four year old?", the man asked, eyebrow raised slightly. Tiny Peter nodded curtly.

"Boss?", Friday asked, getting their attention. Tony grunted a response.

"It appears that Young Boss's accelerated healing has stopped the age regression, and currently working on reversing the affects. If undisturbed, he should be back to the current age in an estimated four days.", the AI explained, pulling up the data on a screen.

Tony breathed a huff, inspecting it before turning back to his son. "You heard her, Pete. This should be fixed in no time.", he encouraged, ruffling the child's wild curls. Peter was still looking down, eyes concentrated on something. After a moment, he groaned loudly.

"Does this mean I have to go through puberty again?", he asked, sounding like a whine in his now high-pitched voice. Tony stifled a laugh. "'fraid so, bud.", the man responded.

"NooOoO.", the kid whined again, laying against the chair dramatically. The father chuckled lightly, smiling. "Drama queen.", he remarked. "Who do you think I got it from?.", the child quipped without hesitation, before physically indicating another realization.

"Wait, wha' am I gonna do about school?", the kid asked in a panic. "What about Ned? Wha' about May? What about—be right back." The child quickly got up from his seat and dashed out of the lab. He chuckled for a moment before pulling out his phone and texting the 'Peter Parker Protection Squad', as the group chat was collectively named.

OldMan: So... Pete had a bit of an accident and can't go to school.

Idontcare: Define accident

OldMan: Kid got himself de-aged, won't be back to normal for a few days.

Sanic: Yeah, ok. We can cover for him.

BOIINTHEBEANBAG: Wait. He still have his spider powers?

OldMan: He has his healing. It just happened. Why?

BOIINTHEBEANBAG: In case of something, but it's fine. Gonna call Peter, brb.

Sanic: What was that about?

OldMan: 🤷‍♂️

Peter could be heard in the hallway, talking with Ned on the phone. "Hey man, I heard what happened. How you doing?", his friend asked on the other side.

"HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?! I MADE MY MISTAKE! GOT NOWHERE TO RUN! THE NIGHT GOES ON!", Peter practically screeched. His father barked out a laugh, trying to collect himself as quickly as possible. Still taking deep breaths, the man dialed May and informed her of the situation.

She seemed about as amused at the situation as Tony secretly was. Though she asked whether or not Peter still had his powers too. Tony blinked before answering the same way as before.

"...Alright then.", May breathed out. "Just, uh, keep an eye on him. You thought teen Peter was a trouble magnet? This is gonna be a whole new level.", the woman warned.

The patter of Peter's shoeless feet started growing louder. "I'm gonna have to let you go, just, make sure to call the school. Take care.", Tony rushed before hanging up.

Peter walked back into the lab, plopping straight into Tony's lap. Almost immediately, the father instinctively started running a hand through his son's hair. "Daddy?", his small voice asked, voice still muffled. "Yes, buddy?", the father responded, making eye contact with his son.

God damn, Baby Peter had those wide cartoon eyes, that blink innocently at him. Anything that little boy wanted, he was going to get. Fly on a suit? Sure! Burn down the tower? Here's a match! Nuke his school? Codes are already entered.

It was at this moment Tony realized just about how whipped he was.

"What, what, what were you like when, when I was this little?", the child finally asked after a moment.

"Uh-Ok, uh...let's see...2005... I was, uh, not the same man I am today. Quite frankly, I, uh—god, how do I say this to a child— kind of emphasized the 'playboy' aspect of my tagline that year. Was not a good decision made, in hindsight.", the man explained, looking off in thought. "Then again, practically every decision I made was not a good one, using hindsight."

"Oi!", Peter shouted, slapping Tony's chest. "I said practically, not all. You and Pepper are the best decisions I've ever made.", Stark corrected, chuckling lightly. "What about you, huh? Starting out pre-school, lost your first baby tooth, how was that?", he asked lightheartedly, listing off some facts he learned from the dates of pictures.

Peter got really quiet, curling in on himself as he stared at the floor. The boy got smaller, if that was physically possible, breaths becoming shallow. "I was four when they left.", Peter finally answered. Oh., Tony thought, realizing his mistake. He held the boy close, comforting him by gently rocking.

It seemed to have worked too well, because Baby Pete was especially tired after that episode. The boy barely finished his lunch before curling in again to sleep.

"Alright, roly-poly.", Tony remarked, picking up the young child and tucking him in for a nap. When the kid woke up four hours later, he looked a little older, which was good.

The bad part was that by this time, the team had gotten wind of the situation. And demand that they spend time with Peter, before outright stealing the child and fight with each other over who got to play with him.

Tony finally caught Natasha, Thor, and his son watching some show while talking that night. Well, talking was a bit of a stretch. More like Peter was babbling while the other two were listening. Thor showed more interest than Nat did.

"-and then he said that Maika was clearly more superior. The nerve of that guy! She has, like, zero personality!! Look, look, look! Miu has more remark than Maika. Mafuyu is clearly best girl, tho. She's smart, strong, and clearly able to handle herself, imouto-ness be damned.", Peter argued over the show that they were watching.

"Yeah?", Nat asked quietly. Yeah, she wasn't interested in the topic over which S was best. "Exactly!", Peter shouted, looking at the Black Widow, though not making eye contact. Over the past few hours, she had noted these behavior quirks, mentioning them to Tony when she wasn't playing with him. In the entire conversation, she hadn't gotten more than a sentence in.

"Ah! Stark! Come join us. We are watching a thing called 'anime'.", Thor boomed with a smile. Peter jumped up and smiled. "Yeah!"

"Yeah? Well, as fun as that sounds, it's someone's bedtime.", Tony remarked, raising an eyebrow at Peter.

"But I'm not...sleepy...", he retorted, after yawning.

"Uh huh. Bedtime, kiddo. C'mon.", the father urged, picking up the child and carrying him off to bed.

"Is Thor always that loud?", Peter sleepily asked as he was being tucked in. "Yep. And he wants to spend time with his favorite child-sized nephew, so he's loud AND excited.", the man retorted, giving his son a kiss on his head.

"Night kid."

*I was on a trip and I got hurt and now my leg's elevated and I'll probably have to use crutches for a few weeks, if not months.

Can we get an oof in the chat?*