I Was Joking

I Hate/Love This Family.

*Remember how I said I got hurt and was going to have to use crutches for a long time? Well guess what?

YO GIRL'S

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GETTING SURGERY!!!*

Why is puberty a thing? Why must it take so long? Why can't the human body just go from child to adult overnight?

"Have I mentioned how much puberty sucks?", 12-year-old Peter asked offhandedly, after saying such a statement around five times in the past hour.

"Yeah, bud, I think you have.", Tony remarked with a little chuckle. "Well it does!!", Peter responded with a voice crack before immediately covering his mouth.

"I know it does. But just sit tight, you gotta pull through a little longer, alright?", Stark consoled, connecting another bit to his suit. He had to essentially put it back together after thoroughly cleaning it from whatever caused the gas.

Peter rolled his eyes, but kept focusing on his webshooters. He's ridden it out for this long, he can stick it for another day. At least, despite the growing pains, his pants fit now.

The teen rubbed his eyes, turning back towards his math. All of this was easier to process now, despite always having the mentality of a sixteen-year-old. The adolescent behaviors and mindsets were finally starting to revert. The constant combating of the mental function of information he already had made Peter quite forgetful, if nothing else. For instance...

He had forgotten how to act normal.

God, his father wasn't supposed to see him like that. The team wasn't supposed to see him like that. The bite fixed him, why can't he just-ugh.

Peter huffed in frustration at his thoughts before adjusting the proportions he had made on his shooters. He couldn't tell you exactly what he was trying to achieve, but there was always something that could be improved upon.

Getting a mischievous glint in his eyes, Peter slowly turned around and fired a web straight into his father's hair.

"Oi! You little miscreant!", Tony shouted, immediately whirling around and trying to pull it out, only to have it stick to his hand. He glanced a glare at the delinquent, before coming up with an idea of revenge. The father smirked, walking forward slowly.

"Oh no.", Peter muttered, about to take off when Tony grabbed him and pulled his son into a noogie with the webbed hand. "No! No!", the teen laughed in protest. After a moment, Tony let him go.

"Gah! I regret using the super adhesive formula now.", the boy muttered, trying and failing to pull it out of his own hair. Tony chuckled lightly. "Well, that's on you."

"STARK!!", Natasha yelled from what seemed to be the other side of the building. "WHAT!", the man yelled back at the same volume. "FURY SAYS HE'S BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FOR THE PAST THREE DAYS, AND YOU'VE BEEN AVOIDING HIM!" "LIKE YOU HAVEN'T?!" "WHO DO YOU THINK HE'S BEEN B*TCHING ABOUT IT TO?!" "ALRIGHT, YEAH I'LL GET BACK TO HIM. ANYTHING ELSE?"

"WE'RE OUT OF POP-TARTS!!", Thor boomed from the another side. "AND BLUEBERRIES!", Wanda shouted from her room. "Yeah, that's on me.", Tony muttered. "Fri, add those to-" "Already done, Boss."

Peter, who slipped on his earbuds when the yelling started, was just listening with a grin. He loved this family sometimes.

And sure enough...

Do what you want cause a pirate is free. You are a pirate~

Yar har fiddle dee dee~

Being a pirate is so fun you see!

"Boss? Ni—", Friday announced over the ringtone. "I know, patch him through.", Tony sighed, glancing at Peter before looking off to a random screen. The boy got the message, quickly cleaning up and hiding.

"Mr. Fury. To what do I owe the pleasure." "Mr. Stark. I trust the reason you've been ignoring my calls is because you've been making so much progress on Itsy Bitsy." "That I have. That. I. Have.", Tony remarked, trying to not roll his eyes. Nick's been breathing down his neck to make a SHIELD file for Spider-Man, so that way, instead of operating on Avengers call, he'd be involved in a lot more of the agency's mess. This prospect has been going on for months, and months ago, Peter had concluded long ago that he liked being a 'neighborhood' Spider-Man far more for the time being.

The conversation carried on like that, in which Peter used as his escape from the room. After quietly shutting the door, he walked into the common room and plopped on a couch.

"Oh no. I can smell the teenage angst from here.", Sam remarked, getting up and leaving. "Really? You know what that smells like, Mr. Wilson?", the teen remarked with a smirk as Bucky and Rhodey walked in.

"Hey, I used to be a teen once." "Yeah, way back in the day." Bucky snorted. "Peter!", the war vet exclaimed with mock offense. "Yes, Grandpa Bucky?", Peter asked, pretending to sound innocent.

"Ok, that's it! I have had it with your attitude. On the fridge.", Bucky ordered, though in on the vine.

Peter complied, but yelled, "THIS HOUSE IS A F*CKING NIGHTMARE!!" As he is the one that introduced the joke.

"LANGUAGE!!", barked Steve.

"I HAVE SEEN ALL OF YOUR PSAS OVER THE LAST TWELVE YEARS! I AM IMMUNE!! YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME, B*TCH.", Peter shouted, proceeding to T-pose on top of the fridge.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!", Steve shouted, genuinely pissed. "YOU HEARD ME!", Peter retorted, finding the situation funny. "Nonono, you wanna run that by me again?!", Steve asked, marching into the room. "F*ckin' try me— hold on Aunt May's calling."

"Hello nephew of mine.", May's voice rang through the speaker. "For some reason my maternal instincts are going off. You wouldn't happen to know why?", the woman asked, highly suspicious of his answer. "Nope." "Sure, Jan.", May responded as quickly as he answered. "Well, I'm not hurt. That's the important thing." "Yeah, I guess so. Love you, Peter. See you soon." "Bye May! Love you!", he called, hanging up and perching on the fridge again.

"I will go up there and beat your *ss; we do not curse in this goddamn motherf*cking house!"

Tony, who had just entered the room from his soundproof lab after getting Fury off his back, barked out a laugh. "I'm not sure what's happening, but you know what? It's better without context. It's so much better."