Interview

KEENAN JUNG

FRANCHIEE: (On the phone) Pabili ako ng isang box ng garter ng panty. Magkano---- ANO?! Sold out na?! Don't you know me?! I'm Falea (Faleya) Franchiee Mendoza! WAT?! Hinde mo ako kilala?! I'm a regular costumer there!

AUDIENCE: (Silence) Nakakabinging boses ni Franchiee.

FRANCHIEE: Oh! Hello, ebrebadii! Haw r u? Ahahahaha! Our new character is coming today! Let us welcome Keenan Jung!

( le pasok ni Mister Yonebers )

KEENAN: Hello, everybody!
FRANCHIEE: Bakit ba naman na-sold out yung garter ng panty?! Wrong timing!
KEENAN: Tama nga si Kuya Alex. Puro ka ka-rated K, Ate Falea!
FRANCHIEE: H-Ha? Rated K?!
KEENAN: Rated Kalaswaan.
FRANCHIEE: Ano naman ang kalaswaan sakin, ha?!
KEENAN: ( Tingin sa.... Uhmm... Nahulog na panty ni Franchiee)
FRANCHIEE: Pak yu, sagad sa lungs.

FRANCHIEE: So, let's begi---
KEENAN: Teka. Bago tayo magsimula, Ayusin mo nga po muna yung panty mo---Wait.. Mukha po ba yan ni Kuya Alex na nasa panty niy---
FRANCHIEE: ( Takip ng bibig ni Keenan ) Stab it! I canat belib dat u col dis a panti! Dis is TIBAK, duhhh.

FRANCHIEE: First things first... Kamusta leeg mo?
KEENAN: Medyo namumula pa nga eh.. Lakas kasi ng power ni Xandra. Lakas ng pagkasakal!
FRANCHIEE: Yan mapapala mo! Kung ako lang si Xandra, tinapos na kita eh!
KEENAN: Kaya mo?
FRANCHIEE: Kung di ka lang gwapo..

FRANCHIEE: For now, we'll have the "ACTION and WORDS, 'IF' GAMES"
KEENAN: Ano naman yun?
FRANCHIEE: Example.. "If Patrick dies, what will you do?" Yun ang tanong. Then i-a-action and sasabihin mo naman kung ano ang gagawin mo 'IF' mangyare yun.
KEENAN: Ahhh. Okay!

FRANCHIEE: If I becomes Alexs' Girlfriend---
KEENAN: dOoOb! (SHOCK) (SUPER SCHOCK!) (MEGA SCHOCK!) (Then realizes) (Thinking it's impossible)

( Stands up )
( Serious face )
......
.........
............
( NAGWALA! )

KEENAN: OWEMJI! BIG NEWS, BIG NEWS! Isang lalakeng napakagwapo, nagka girlfriend ng isang babaeng mukha namang lalake at mukhang charbagul!
FRANCHIEE: Pakyu. Sagad sa heart.

FRANCHIEE: What if mamatay si Patrick?
KEENAN: ....

( Keenan Smirking )
( Keenan Scoffs )
( Keenan evil laughs )

KEENAN: MY DER BRADER!!

( Biglang iiyak )

KEENAN: Meghed, So akin na kwarto natin?! AKIN NA VR MO?! AKIN ANG NAPAKAGWAPONG MUKA?! AKIN ANG-----
FRANCHIEE: Tears of joy 'to eh.

FRANCHIEE: What if magkatuluyan tayo?

( Instead na si Keenan ang magwawala... Ang audience ang nagwala )

AUDIENCE: THE ANBELIBABOL!

KEENAN: *DED*

FRANCHIEE: Kaya nga, diba? Expect the unexpected! Tss.
KEENAN: *At the morgue room*

FRANCHIEE: What if.... Maging babae ka? Would you like it or not?
KEENAN: Well... depends on how big my melons will be.
FRANCHIEE: Like mine?
KEENAN: Yours is.... as small as a holens.

FRANCHIEE: What if...  tapusin ni Mader story niyo?
KEENAN: ( Glaring at Franchiee )

/Silence/

KEENAN: ( Tinakpan ang taenga ) Think positive, Keenan. THINK POSITIVE! If I could just--- ugh! Why are thinking about that, you little---- ARGHH! Keenan, Try not to slap this flirt infront of you!
FRANCHIEE: ( Covers both cheeks )

FRANCHIEE: What if... I fall in love with you? What will you do?
KEENAN: ( Just looks at Franchiee )

AUDIENCE: Wow. For the first time! Franchiee is serious.

KEENAN: Of course, I'll----
FRANCHIEE: N-Nevermind! It-It's imposible, anyways..

( le yuko ni Keenan ) ( Natapakan ang pride ni Keenan )

AUDIENCE: Awww..

FRANCHIEE: What if ma-in love ka sakin? What's your reaction? What will you do? This is scripted, don't worr---

( Kinulong ni Keenan si Franchiee sa kanyang mga bisig )

KEENAN: That'll be... Oh! Never mind! It's impossible, anyways..
FRANCHIEE: Stop teasing me, dummy.

( Umalis si Keenan at umupo ulit )

FRANCHIEE: What if pumanget ka?
KEENAN: Nevermind! That's impo---
FRANCHIEE: What will you do?
KEENAN: Hahanap ng babae na mababa ang standards sa lalake.
FRANCHIEE: Well, kung ako sayo, gagayumahin ko nalang yung mga gwapo-----
KEENAN: Sml?

FRANCHIEE: I know na bitin lang 'to, but I have to stop muna. Let's continue this next time nalang. Diba, Kee-----

( Keenan left because he was afraid of Franchiee )

FRANCHIEE: So, byeeeee!