Interview

PATRICK JUNG

FRANCHIEE: Hey, ebrebady! Nice tomato! How r u! Haha! Nakakabaliw!

AUDIENCE: Haystt. Here we go again.

FRANCHIEE: First, I want to say thank you to my Mader na bumili ng garter ng tibaks ko! Woh! And to my imaginary horse na sinipa ako sa fallopian tube! Rest in peace, PP ( That's the name of the horse, wag dirty minded, huehue. ) At salamat din sa mga audience na binayaran ko para pumunta dito! Sa director na natutulog, sa make up artist na pina mukha akong chucky doll, sa janitor na palaging nakakahanap ng tibak ko, MARAMING SALAMAT SA INYONG LAHAT!

AUDIENCE: Oo na, oo na. Alam na namin yan. So, tama na, please?

FRANCHIEE: No! I'll make all of you proud! Sexy pose muna mi, HUH!

( Franchiee Sexy pose )
( Director woke up and vomited. Audience killed )
( Franchiee Sexy dance )
( Double kill! )
( Franchiee legleg panty )
( HEAD SHOT! )

FRANCHIEE: Oh, yeah. So, now.. Let us welcome!.. PATRICK JUNG! Wooh!

PATRICK: Jusko, muntikan na rin akong mamatay kanina kakapanood sayo eh! No wonder nakatulala lang si Keenan kahapon.

FRANCHIEE: Emeghed, ba't siya nakatulala? 'Di maka get over sa pes ko?

PATRICK: Oo. Puta, sobrang nakakatakot kasi mukha mo eh.

FRANCHIEE: Grabe ka, kung makapag salita ka! Anyways.. gusto kong maglaro kasama ang audience. And same as always.. Questions for you. Start with her.

ARIEL: Have you ever used a fork to brush your hair?
PATRICK: No. But I did use it when I attempted killing Aya.

BELLE: Have you ever talked with a beast?
PATRICK: Yeah. His name was Shaun.

CINDERELLA: Have you ever lost your heels?
PATRICK: Why the fvck would I wear heels?

JASMINE: Have you ever seen a talking monkey before?
PATRICK: Many times. Xandra, Xyrene, Shaun, Alex, Keenan, Jaztyn---
JASMINE: And you?
PATRICK: Yeah, and you.

SNOW WHITE: Have you ever bite an apple then was almost killed.
PATRICK: Yeah. Maybe. Tasting Xyrene's Apple pie did almost kill me.

ELSA: Have you eve----
PATRICK: Oh My God, we have the same powers.
ELSA: How many times did you do something that almost killed your sibling?
PATRICK: Yeah. Many times. Countless of times.

RAPUNZEL (Tamang spelling ba?) : Have you ever had a family member who was a witch?
PATRICK: Keenan Jung.

MOANA: Have you ever seen a big body?
PATRICK: Nope. Almost. Xyrene's bilbil.

FRANCHIEE: Okay, that's enough! Nawawalan ako ng characters ng Disney eh. So anyways.. Patrick, I have questions for you na.
PATRICK: Hope it's not 19+ questions.
FRANCHIEE: Nope. Just 20+ questions.

FRANCHIEE: Favorite fruit?
PATRICK: Lettuce.
FRANCHIEE: Wow, fruit talaga yan ah. Mines squash.

FRANCHIEE: Favorite pet?
PATRICK: Keenan Jung.

FRANCHIEE: Favorite brand of boxers?
PATRICK: Victoria Secret.
FRANCHIEE: Oh, yeah? My tibak is Calvin Klein. ( I dunno the spelling, not interested )

FRANCHIEE: Favorite brand of phone?
PATRICK: Nokia. So that if it falls on other people's face.. Rest in Peace.

FRANCHIEE: Okay, tapos na ang questions ko! Ngayon naman ay.. Dare ng mga characters ng Wishing star!

PATRICK: Fvck.

XANDRA: First of all, thank you for not mentioning me in your answers earlier. Now my dare for you is.. Ano kaya?.. Ah! Mag top less ka ngayon.

( Nag top less si Patrick )
( Franchiee takip ng mata pero may part na nakabukas. )

FRANCHIEE: Wew.. Ang rami ng pandesa--- No, Franchiee! Loyal ka kay Alex!

XYRENE: First of all.. Hinde malaki katawan ko. At 'di porket na wala 'kong abs, may bilbil na 'ko? It made sense, pero putang shet mo. Kaya ngayon, gusto kong mag off-shoulders ka na pink na damit. Eto, nagdala ako.
PATRICK: Totoo naman sinabi ko kanina eh. Tss.

( Sinuot ni Patrick. )
( Tinanggal ni Franchiee ang kamay sa mga mata at nagulat )

FRANCHIEE: Oh My God! Ngayon palang ako nakakita ng napakapanget na babae! Pero in fairness, may hubog si Gurl.

KEENAN: Unang una.. Kapatid mo 'ko. 'Di mo 'ko pet, hayop ka. Ang dare ko sayo ay.. Magiging aso kita for 5 hours.
PATRICK: Puta, ano ba naman yan! Ibang Keenan Jung ang binanggit ko! Iba yun!.. Uhm.. Aso ko yun!
KEENAN: So, ako nga binanggit mo. Dali. Crawl, bebe Rickrick!

( Nag crawl si Patrick sa sahig. )

FRANCHIEE: Kulang nalang na higaan ang i-crawl mo. Possessive, SHET!

FRANCHIEE: Yang mga character lang ang available at the moment, so swinerte ka dahil sila lang. So, that's all for now! Sorry po dahil pa ikli ng pa ikli ang skirt ko na nakikita na tibak k--- My God! Wrong script, ano yun! Yung ibig sabihin ko.. Sorry po dahil paikli ng paikli ang chapters ng Interview. Busy po kasi si Franchiee ngayon dahil sirang sira ang fallopian tube net--- WRONG SCIPT! Bsuy po kasi si Franchiee ngayon dahil sirang sira po ang mga tibak neto--- ANG RAMING WRONG SCRIPT, putang inamers, 'yoko na. Bye!

( Humabol pa si Aso--- este Keenan )

KEENAN: Patrick, binilhan kita ng dog collar---- 'Asan na bulldog ko?