Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 5)

32 Discerning the Truth

"Maybe?" Jing Yi blinked. Why did this sound as if Yu Jin wasn't sure? Shouldn't he know whether or not he was in love?

Leng Jin Yu smiled. "It's a little complicated."

"Senior Martial Brother ... isn't sure if that person likes you back?" He couldn't see any other reason why Yu Jin would answer like that. Well ... it certainly wouldn't have been like with Qiu Ling and him back then, would it?

Leng Jin Yu smiled at Jing Yi's weird out expression. He really wondered what he was imagining right now. "That's not quite it." He fell silent and looked at the clear sky for a while. It shouldn't be a problem to tell him, should it? After all, it didn't concern the matter of the crown prince's own descent to the mortal world. And it wasn't impossible for cultivators of a higher stage to remember parts of their past lives. It shouldn't raise any questions.

"Back when I was with my first master and in the time after that there wasn't anyone. Even now, I'm not sure. When I came to the Yun Zou Sect I started to see some things that might be memories from my past life."

"Ah?" Jing Yi's eyes widened and he turned to Yu Jin. Memories of his past life? Like ... how that scene he had seen after eating the fruit of the Beguiling Night Tree?

Leng Jin Yu nodded. "It's just something I surmised. But I think it's the most likely explanation. In those ... fragments, something is missing and I think it should be a person. I don't know why I'm seeing these things since coming to the Yun Zou Sect and I don't know why something is missing from them, I also don't know who that person is. But I somehow feel ... that this missing part was very important to me once. Maybe it was someone I loved dearly."

"So you ... think about that person now?" Jing Yi's heart couldn't help but thump. He had tried very hard to forget about that man he had seen in that dream in the Hei Dian Sect. But somewhere at the back of his mind he still remembered how it had felt to be embraced by him. He couldn't shake the memory of that warmth and the contentment inside himself regardless of what he did. Was it the same way for Yu Jin?

"I do. Since the first time I saw one of those fragments, I tried to somehow find out what was missing from them. I want to know who that person is and who he was to me. And maybe ... find him in this life."

Jing Yi hurriedly looked away. They weren't far from the next lake on their way to the mountain chain.

Leng Jin Yu slightly raised his eyebrows. Had he said something wrong? "Junior Martial Brother ..."

"Oh, it's nothing. I just ... I just wondered how Senior Martial Brother Yu wanted to find out about that person. Wouldn't that be really difficult?"

Leng Jin Yu nodded. "I already tried everything I can do just by relying on myself like meditating or immersing myself into my inner self but none of that worked. There are still some auxiliary means that can be used. For example, you might have seen a dark-colored tree in the Hei Dian Sect. That's the Beguiling Night Tree. Eating its fruit may lead to seeing a fragment of the past."

"So, did Senior Martial Brother Yu get one?"

Leng Jin Yu shook his head. "It wouldn't have been advisable considering the circumstances. Furthermore, the Beguiling Night Tree's fruit wouldn't necessarily be of help."

"Why that?" Jing Yi pressed his lips together. Since Yu Jin brought the thing up that had caused him so many sleepless nights he didn't feel that well. Why did it seem like the Beguiling Night Tree was haunting him?

"Well, let's compare it with our situation right now. The Heart-Calming Buddha Flower could grow everywhere here in this secret realm since most places are suitable. But it won't. It still depends on chance whether we can find it or not. The situation with the Beguiling Night Tree's fruit is similar. There is a certain chance that you will remember an event from your past if you eat it but there is no certainty."

"But ... wouldn't it still be better for you to have a chance? Maybe you would know ... who that person is then."

Leng Jin Yu nodded. "If it was just that, then I'd certainly do that. Unfortunately ... You won't necessarily see something from your past life. There might be other things."

Jing Yi stopped walking. "Other things? Senior Martial Brother Yu's meaning is ..."

"The Beguiling Night Tree's fruit shows something in relation to your soul. That might be a memory that is still hidden somewhere inside but it could also be something taken from your current life."

Jing Yi averted his gaze but his heart was beating even faster now. So what he had seen back then ... wasn't necessarily a memory? That man ... might just be a figment of his own imagination or rather something the Beguiling Night Tree had made out of it? "Then, does Senior Martial Brother Yu know how one can distinguish between those two things?"

Leng Jin Yu shook his head and sighed. "That's why I didn't take that fruit. There is no way to ascertain what is what. An illusion will be made out of something that hasn't actually happened but that you wanted to happen or that you didn't even dare to think of because it seemed so unlikely. It isn't something that comes out of nowhere. It will have a relation to your current life. Thus, an illusion might seem more real than an actual memory.

In my case ... considering how much I already thought about that person the fruit could present me anyone. Maybe someone who fits my current taste but not necessarily the person I knew in my past life. But it would probably seem real to me since I expect to see someone I loved previously. Wouldn't that be especially sad? Seeing someone and mistaking him for that person while I never find out who that person is?"

"So, it would work if you hadn't thought about that person previously?"

"Probably."

Then what about the man he saw? He never thought about anyone but Qiu Ling. So why had he seen another man in that dream? Was what he had seen really something from his past life?

The hope he had felt for a moment shattered once more. It seemed there had really been such a person. Ah, but why was he even thinking about that? A past life was a past life. As long as that person didn't remember him and searched for him like how Yu Jin searched for the person from his memories, then everything would be alright.

There was no reason to fear.