Oh. My. Fate?! (BL, Volume 5)

47 Still Failing to Acknowledge Him?

Jing Yi had trouble falling asleep. Not only were they in a secret realm he had never seen before, but he had also been separated from his fiance because of it and might remember things he didn't want to know because he had carelessly taken in the spiritual energy of the Fractured Crystal Leaf.

He lay there awake for a while but finally, his eyes closed. With all the things that had happened his mind and body were both fatigued. There was no way he could put off falling asleep any longer.

Naturally, Jing Yi's luck wouldn't be so good as to escape the effects of the Fractured Crystal Leaf. In fact, his luck seemed pretty bad because what he saw was exactly what he didn't want to remember.

Once again he opened his eyes to a stone pavilion among a sea of flowers but this time it wasn't just a painting. No, this time he was actually standing in front of the real thing. He didn't feel any excitement though. Instead, there was a feeling of deep tranquility in him as if all this was normal, as if it was the way it was supposed to be.

The quietness was abruptly shaken by the rustling of the plants in the wind and in the next moment, he was wrapped in a warm embrace that shielded him from the fresh breeze. Now aware that this was only a memory from a past life Jing Yi wanted to somehow break out of it but just like in the Hei Dian Sect he was bound, unable to move this body or even control its thoughts. Instead, he had to follow with what the him of his past life wanted.

Right now, his past him wanted to smile. "Who would have thought that the weather would suddenly change?"

"Mn. It sure is surprising. You're wearing too little. Let me warm you."

The arms around his waist tightened, making his heart speed up. He leaned back against that broad chest and closed his eyes for a moment. In turn, the man actually leaned forward until their cheeks touched. He lifted a hand and his fingers slid through Jing Yi's hair. He shuddered at the man's touch only to be hugged even closer in response.

"Are you really that cold?"

The past Jing Yi slowly opened his eyes and looked at the flowers in front of them. That so-called change in weather had already gone by and now there was only the evening sun shining down on them. Yes, it was getting slightly chillier but it was nothing more than that. There really was no way to call this being cold.

"We could go inside."

Jing Yi shook his head. "No, there's no need. All is well."

"Are you sure?"

"Mn. You don't have to worry about me."

The man gently chuckled and his hand slipped out of Jing Yi's hair and touched his arm instead. It traced the flowing fabric of his sleeve until it reached Jing Yi's fingers. The man intertwined his own with them while his lips softly touched Jing Yi's temple. "I'll always worry about you. You're my most important person. The one I love. How could I let you suffer any harm? Be it as small as it may. I still want to keep it away from you."

The gentle voice, the breath caressing his cheek, the hand holding onto his and never letting go paired with these sweet words had Jing Yi's heart flutter. He turned in the man's arms and lifted a hand, touching the black fabric stretching over his chest.

He felt the urge to tell him what he felt, to express the wild beating of his heart, but he didn't dare to. Thus, he only continued to stand there, his hand on the man's chest, feeling the heartbeat of this person he loved but didn't dare confess to. Maybe there was no need to anyway.

The man leaned down to him, exposing the sharp line of his jaw. Jing Yi's eyes flickered but he didn't dare to lift his gaze and look at him. He felt like he would do something stupid if he did.

The man came even closer and their lips finally met. Only a moment went by until the man pulled back. Jing Yi wanted to follow suit. His heart cried out for this person, for the gentle touch of his hands and the feeling of his lips but he stayed where he was. He couldn't go overboard. His heart hurt just thinking that, though.

"My ... my father will come by later." His voice sounded weak. It was too obvious that this was an excuse but the man just sighed.

"If that's the case, then I'll come back tomorrow." He lifted his hand and caressed Jing Yi's cheek. "Don't worry about it too much. I will convince your father. Just wait a bit longer." He kissed his cheek before stepping back and finally leaving.

Jing Yi didn't dare to look up. He wanted to. He wanted to see him, to smile at him and maybe wave like he had seen other people do it but he couldn't even lift his head. What if ... anybody saw? What would they say? What if they told his father? It was already dangerous enough to let him hug him like this.

It was only that he was too weak to even think about resisting that. He didn't want to miss out on this. He craved his warmth, his gentleness, that sense of security he gave him. Whatever the circumstances might be he didn't want to lose that. He ... really had to resolve himself to acknowledge him despite his father's attitude.

He sighed and finally went back to his palace but his movements were a little sluggish. He felt that he had done something wrong. He shouldn't have been like that. Hadn't he decided? Why did he still behave like this? Deciding to be lovers but then not facing up to it in the open ... This was wrong.

He should go and talk with his father as soon as possible. Just ... not now. He had to prepare for it for a while. After all, his father certainly wouldn't be pleased.

He lay down on his bed, his thoughts all tangled up.

When he closed his eyes and slowly drifted off into sleep the real Jing Yi in the secret realm finally opened his own again. His body was drenched in cold sweat and his heart pounded hurriedly.

Why?! Just why did it have to be that person again? Why did he have to witness this? Why did he need to experience it? He didn't want to!

He turned to the side and wished that Qiu Ling would have been at his side. He definitely would have felt better if he could burrow into his arms. But there was no way he could do that because ... he was all alone now. Qiu Ling wasn't there to hold him. So the only thing he could do was watch helplessly how he had been with another man in his past life. Ah, it really, unexpectedly ... hurt.