He's Forever Gone

chapter 3

Do you know that moment when you feel, you have completely lost yourself? When you look in the mirror and you don't recognize yourself?

That moment when you have lost everything and everyone and you know, you ain't ever getting them back and now you're at your worst, but only you can save yourself..... But you'd rather die?

Well, that's what I feel now, I feel like killing myself, I'm useless, hopeless, lonely and worst of all I'm broken.

They're all judging me, no one is wanna listen to my side______yes I know what I did was so wrong, and I accepted my fault but I hate it when people start to judge me without listening to the other side of the story__Anyone in my shoes would have made something similar or worse than that.

No one should judge me because none of them know what really happened that night.

They fucking know nothing about me, not even what I'm going in through right now.

I even broke my phone into pieces. It was all dented heavily.  I had made sure to render it completely useless so that I wouldn't receive any hatred message or call from all the bitches who judge and send me all the mean messages.

Crying has so far  become one of my favorite hobbies.

I look in the mirror and take in my appearance. My long black hair is disheveled and my emerald eyes are red and swollen due to my constant tears.

I glance at my pale face in the mirror and laugh bitterly as well as crying.

My audible cries quieten as I rub at my eyes again, having no success at wiping all the continuous tears away that spills into my cheeks. I dropped my hand to my side. Not really knowing what is happening to me_____"God this is too much", I said while running a hand through my messy hair feeling frustrated.

My dreams are drowning me in a beautiful life that I can never have. Suffocating me with the idea that I've lost everything that I will never get back. Because I left him to go......... I wish I never did.

I wish I stayed back, I wish I ran after him when he left me there standing.

Maybe all this wouldn't have happened,but my pride got the best of me.

' Look at me now', ... I screamed at my reflection in the mirror. It was all your fucking mistake.

God!.. I think I'm going fucking crazy.

I decided to get clean maybe some stress which are on my mind, will melt away.

I headed straight to my bathroom to start a warm shower.

Once the steam is coming out from the water, I immediately take off my clothes and stepped in.

The temperature was just right and I slowly relaxed. It's the only place where I can forget my problems and careless for this cruel world for a little bit.

After I scrubbed myself down and shampooed my hair, I turned off the shower and stepped out of the bathroom.

I went to my closet to look for something to wear__I changed into my pajamas and climb into my comforting bed hoping to get some sleep and shut my mind for awhile.

After some hours passed while staring at the ceiling, I finally went to the deep slumber.