Two Ghosts // l.s

The Rose without the dagger

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Possible trigger warning! Please read with caution <3

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"Shit fuck shit Louis what the fuck babe." Harry stuttered and stumbled his way to the kitchen to reach their first aid, pulling out cleaning wipes and... plasters? He didn't know. What the fuck was he meant to do.

He dropped the plasters to the floor with fumbling hands and cursed that everything was going wrong. He tugged out the bandages instead and they unravelled as he flustered back to the bedroom where Louis sat limply on the edge of their bed.

He'd fucking knew something would go wrong. He knew it. He felt it deep down— everything had been going perfectly, something was bound to happen. Harry had just hoped and prayed the bad thing wasn't his Fiancé.

Harry felt the hot tears sting his cheek as he looked to Louis who weakly smiled in defeat and disappointment filled his stomach. He knew that he shouldn't be angry for something that was so far from Louis' control but he couldn't help it. He loved every inch of Louis and coming home to find it shredded, like his body meant nothing was heart wrenching beyond painful.

Harry bit back tears and wiped his eyes nonchalantly to clear his vision as he delicately wiped away the dark, pooling blood from Louis' forearm. He really wanted to angrily shove him and tell him he was so fucking stupid for relapsing and destroying his skin, his body. His life. But at the same time Harry just wanted to kiss away the open wounds and hold Louis and tell him everything will be okay, that they could make it out again together.

The problem was, Louis had been clean for so long. Almost two years and not a single line bore his skin, and the fact he had been clean for so long made the relapse all the more worse. Harry thought to himself whilst wrapping the bandage around Louis' arm, the reason he's like this is because of you, you left him knowing he'd be weak, you fucking idiot it's your fault.

Once Harry finished with the bandages, he went to pull Louis in for a hug, breathe him in and feel at home again, tell him he's safe now.... but Louis moved away, his eyes dropping, embarrassed to the floor.

"No" he said sharply, the words stinging Harry's heart.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows at Louis,
"What- what do you mean no?" He shook his head in disbelief.

Louis breathed out heavily and hardened his eyes at Harry, feeling immensely guilty but he was also angry, for a reason he couldn't comprehend. Was he angry Harry came home? Was he angry that Harry left him in the first place? Was he angry because he could tell Harry was disappointed?

"I mean, I can't deal with this- with you right now." He chewed on his weak, yellow nails — out of habit.

Harry felt his blood boil.

"You're just gonna fuck me off like that?" Harry said furiously.

Louis looked disappointedly at him. Why didn't Harry understand? He was dying, quite literally.

"I came home for you Louis, I upset millions of fans for you, I got in trouble with my management, I'm in trouble with media and I've come home to my Fiancé slicing his fucking wrists again." Harry balled his fists in rage, he had to be careful not to upset Louis but he himself was so upset right now he didn't think he had the emotional control to hold back.

"You left me in the first place."

Harry growled, low and scary.

"Don't you fucking blame this on me, you know full well tha— you know what? You're a selfish brat, I can't believe I even came back for you." Harry spat, not even thinking about what he was saying. Each thing was untrue, Harry knew it, but the words just blurted out.

After the sentences had come out and he'd watched each word hit at Louis like a punch, he felt the adrenaline of anger fizzle down to sickness. He took in what he'd blurted out and regret knocked into his stomach.

"Fuck— Louis you know I didn't mean that— I— I love you." He whimpered and begged, tugging at Louis' shoulder as the smaller boy backed away in disgust and hurt.

Harry dropped to his knees as Louis moved closer to the door. "I- Louis please, I'm sorry" Harry choked out, tears streaming down his face in anger at himself and in fear of what he may have just caused.

"I knew you didn't love me." Louis shook his head calmly and turned to face the door. He had convinced himself for so long that Harry didn't love him and so hearing those words, despite them being untrue, made Louis believe it. Louis wanted to get away, run away. Die.

But for some reason the love he still felt for Harry burned at the bottom of his empty stomach, the little bit of glow that had kept him from completely ending his life these months. Suddenly he felt his own tears stream down his sunken cheeks.

"Don't you dare give up on us Lou, don't you dare." Harry's voice croaked and salty tears stung down his face. He felt his heart wrenching as the boy stayed facing the other way, taking one step further towards the door.

Louis' head was hung low and he choked out his own tears.

"I'm sorry, I'll come back, I promise."

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A/N

Oh shit what am I doing to them

🐝