Sunrise at Midnight | Iljae

Chapter 21 - Spring Season Resolutions

The last day of winter swiftly approaches and leaves as quickly as it comes. The world outside seems brighter and lighter as the earth adapts itself to the – in Ilhoon's unbiased opinion – preferred season.

Spring, in amongst everything, is a soothing middle ground. Not too hot, but not too cold – a middle ground which is hard to come by in his personal life.

In all senses of the word, a middle ground means balance. A balance of the good, the bad, and everything you could possibly find in between. It's everything, but it's comfortable.

That is what spring feels like to him.

A peaceful, serene time of growth, new beginnings, and – hay fever.

Lots and lots of damn hay fever. That's the kind of middle ground Ilhoon is talking about, you can't have the good without the bad, and unfortunately, life doesn't hand you things on a silver platter. Though, if it did, Ilhoon would humbly ask for a tissue – and maybe a couple of tablets if he was feeling greedy.

So, that brings us to where he is now; lying on his bed – covers half on because he is neither cold nor hot – and grumbling to himself because he just can't be bothered walking his ass to the store to buy some hay fever tablets.

He fights a never-ending internal battle with himself, and surprise–surprise, he loses it to his blocked nose and throbbing headache.

It's been a few weeks since he left winter down in the ashes, those dreary days and sleepless nights. Even though he still battles his insomnia, he tries to renew his mind in the spirit of the season. A mental spring cleaning, if you will – of the crumbling baggage that was not so graciously given to him during the colder months.

Call it cheesy all you want, but its Ilhoon's mid-year resolutions. It is his alternative to the unrealistic expectations on the morning of January first, – tipsy with alcohol as loud music runs through youthful bodies – going to the gym, eating healthier, or maybe even taking up one of those posh people sports like polo or golf.

Not that Ilhoon has personally thought that himself. Nor has he ever been to one of those New Year's Eve parties. But, suffice to say; the boy's Spring Season Resolutions – for lack of a better term – has always been the same.

No horse riding or gym memberships, and definitely no weird kale smoothies.

Instead, his resolutions have always been as follows;

- Sleep at least three consecutive full nights.

- Distract mind with mundane tasks; work, cleaning, grocery shopping etc.

- Let go of the past, focus on the present.

That last one always seems to get him, eventually becoming buried in the depths of his mind as soon as Jisu comes bounding through the door; shaken and tear-stricken. After that, any remnants of his Spring Season Resolutions lie forgotten on his unslept-in bed.

However, this time something seems to change. Ilhoon thinks back to the months that have just left him and realises with a small smile, that for the first time since he started these stupid resolutions, he has actually fulfilled some of them.

He thinks back to when he met Sungjae, a month or two ago – to now, he hasn't needed to distract his mind with the usual mundane tasks. The other boy has successfully cleared his mind – he took the baggage from the airport conveyer belt just before they go on an endless, toxic loop in his head.

Resolution one has almost been checked off his list as well; two full nights of consecutive sleep thanks to one particular boy by his side. Sure, it wasn't the three nights he has been hoping for, but it's still one whole night more than usual. To him, that's more than a start.