Totally Not Me ( 1D/ N.H. / Niall Horan)

Chapter 13

Niall's POV

It's the weekend again and I stroll into work to get my list of students for guitar lessons today. I smile at the first name on the list, Jana Harrington.

I'm going to see if she's up for having lunch again. We haven't talked much at school lately. How could she be going to homecoming with Ryan?!...not like I wanted to ask her! I just don't think that guy is good for her, if he's anything like her stepbrother.

I begin to play a few chords and get lost in my thoughts until there is a soft knock on the door.

"Come in!" I say as I stop playing.

A pair on white converses take a step in followed by a pair of skinny jeans, grey hoodie with a black t-shirt under it, long straight blonde hair, black rimmed glasses, and a black beanie. She looks so much more comfortable dressed this way. Louis and Deo would never believe me if I told them about this side of Cailin.

"Hey, Niall." She smiles at me.

"Wey hey!" I return her smile.

She takes a seat and we launch into our lesson. She listens intently to what I'm telling her and picks up on things fast.

The hour lesson is flying by and I'm running out of time to bring up lunch. I don't want to sound creepy. With five minutes left, I give her what she needs to practice on and ask, "Do you have any questions?"

She shakes her head, "I don't think so."

She looks up from the sheet music and says, "Thank you for not judging me or telling anyone about this. I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate it."

"What are friends for?" I smile and shrug. "I can't exactly tell anyone something I don't exactly understand."

"That's true. I guess I never thought about it that way." She chuckles.

"Would you mind explaining it to me a bit more over lunch today?" Yes! I give myself a little mental fist pump for easing it in.

"Uh...okay." She looks surprised.

"I mean, only if you want to..." The next lesson knocks on the door. Dammit! I continue to ramble like an idiot as she stands up, "I don't want you to feel obligated or anything. I just thought I'd ask."

Her back is to me as she opens the door. Shit! I just fucked it up. She's creeped out! Why did I push it?!

"I'll see you at 1:00." She smiles over her shoulder and walks out of the room. Thank God!

I glance at the clock, three more hours. I attempt to focus on teaching but I keep running down a list of questions I have for Cailin. I don't want to forget anything and I'd really like to get to the bottom of this whole different identity when I see her here. I think she's so much prettier here than at school. Ugh! Focus, Niall!! Focus!!

* * * *

1:00! Finally! I clock out and make my way outside to find Cailin waiting on a bench.

"Hungry?" I ask as I walk up to her.

"Starving! Our usual place?" She smiles.

"Hell yeah!" I motion in the direction of the Italian restaurant.

We head over, order our food, and it begins to take an awkward turn. Oh no! I had my list of questions but now my mind is completely blank. I've got her undivided attention and I'm screwing it up!

"Well? Is there something I can clear up for you?" She slices through the awkward silence.

"Uh...yeah." I stumble on where to begin.

I quickly sort through my thoughts and figure out what part of my curiosity I'm satisfying first.

"It is hard to get used to you dressed like this." ...and that's not it.

"Sorry about that." She smiles and looks down at the table.

"Oh! I didn't mean it as a bad thing! I like it! It's so different than school...uh...not that you look bad at school...uh...I'll just shut up now." I mentally face palm myself.

"If I could, I'd dress like this every day." She giggles.

"Why exactly can't you?"

"I'm not sure you'd even understand but I'll tell you anyways. My mom believes that we have a certain image to uphold and walking out of the house dressed up like I just stepped off the runway in New York is it."

"What's wrong with what you're wearing?"

She pauses for a second, takes a deep breath, and answers, "According to my mom, this look isn't sophisticated enough. This..." She waves her hand at herself. "...doesn't exactly scream that I'm loaded and want the world to know it."

"Why do you go along with it if it really isn't you?" I take a bite between questions. I want answers but every on of her explanations is creating more questions.

"I'm doing what I have to do to survive." She answers with such a distant look in her eyes.

Wow. I couldn't even wrap my head around living like that. My heart begins to ache for her. I glance down at my phone to check the time. Shit! I've got eight minutes to get back to work. My thoughts become jumbled again and my risk of sounding like an idiot heightens.

"I know we don't talk much at school but you can call me anytime you just need a friend." Falls out of my mouth before I can catch the words and shove them back in.

I wait with anticipation as she finishes her bite of food before she answers.

"I'd like that." She slides over her phone for me to put in my information as a smile creeps onto her face.

I give her the phone back and stand up to ready myself to leave. She begins to scoot out of the booth to walk with me out.

Then, my tongue gets away from me, "Why Ryan?" I ask.

She stops mid scoot, "What?"

This is a moment when you have a second chance to right a wrong. You know, when you have an opportunity to retract what you said and change the subject to avoid the storm that is about to ensue. These are moments I need to pay better attention to.

"Homecoming. Why Ryan?" I clarify without a second thought.

She looks down, tightens her jaw, and answers through clenched teeth, "I do what I have to do to survive."

She isn't moving and won't look at me. Shit! I really screwed it up. I need to stay and apologize or explain or both! I glance at my phone, three minutes.

"I have to get back to work." I say quickly in a panic and practically jog back over to the music store barely making it in time.

I sit in my room waiting for my next lesson, who is running a couple minutes late. I grab my phone to send an apology text to Cailin...I can't. I gave her my number but never got hers. I stare at my phone wishing so desperately to send the words I have written.

A/N- Dammit, Niall! ;) I cannot believe how many people are reading this story. Thank you so much!!! Please, vote and/or comment. :)