Totally Not Me ( 1D/ N.H. / Niall Horan)

Chapter 10

"Hey, Cailin!" Ryan says with a ridiculous smirk on his face thinking I'm swooning over him by a simple greeting.

He's sitting the the passenger seat of Brent's car. I look over my shoulder to see a handful of girls sitting on a bench whispering to one another and looking in our direction. Really, girls! He is ALL yours!!!!

"Hey." I answer back to Ryan as I slip into the backseat. Why does this asshole keep popping up?

We drive out of the parking lot. I can see Niall and his friends in the distance on the soccer field...kicking the ball around, laughing, and talking. I long to be over there instead of wedged in this jerk infested space. Hell! I long to be just about anywhere else but here right now.

We pull into the driveway and all head into the house. I scurry into my room, shower and start my homework. I glance at my calendar. It looks really bare. I let out a sigh of disappointment in myself. I really need to just hang on this year and then I can start letting the real me out. June is just so far away. I toss my phone on my bed and continue to work on my studies.

Dinner was just a massive wave of how I need to be presenting myself and representing the family better. I get it to an extent but it seems like the only people who really care that much about their image is Brent and my mom. Brent's dad just observes quietly. I can never read him. I can't tell if he agrees with all this or just stays quiet to keep the peace. I wish I knew.

Brent's dad has me call him Frank. I'm glad because I sure as shit wasn't going to call him "dad".

"You should be friendlier to Ryan. He's really interested in you." Brent informs me and I just about spit out the bite of my dinner I was chewing on.

"What?!" I choke out.

"Ryan. He's got a thing for you. That should send you straight to the top of the food chain at school when you start dating."

"WHEN we start dating?!"

"Well, yea. When he asks you out, there's no way you are saying no. He's a close friend of mine and I want to make sure we keep it that way."

I look to my mom and all I see is her beaming over the fact I will be dating one of the most popular boys in school. You have got to be fucking kidding me!!

"Does that mean he'll ask her to Homecoming?!" My mom squeals with excitement. Ugh!

"Probably...IF she plays her cards right." Brent responds.

"Wait! What?!" I interject. Am I not even here?! Do I not have a say in this?!

"Oh! I'm sure she will. We are going to have to start dress shopping soon." She claps with excitement.

"May I be excused? I have homework to finish." I finally say.

"But you barely ate." My mom responds.

"I'm not really hungry."

"Okay. I hope you aren't getting sick! You can't miss school and have this boy, Ryan, get interested in someone else."

Oh my god! Really?! I just get up from the table and make my way back to my room.

I plop onto my bed and begin to thumb through the pictures on my phone. Most of the ones I saved are of Debbie and I. I miss her so much! It is so unfair on how she was just taken from this world so suddenly.

I remember that phone call so vividly. My dad called me and told me her family got ran off the road by a semi truck where the driver fell asleep at the wheel. The car rolled five times killing her and her entire family.

She had been messaging me an hour earlier making plans for the next day to hang out because we hadn't seen each other in a week. We were joint at the hip. She knew me...the really me. We told each other all our secrets and practically finished each other's sentences. She was the closest and best friend I could have ever asked for.

I feel the tears streaming down my face. I could really use her right now. Debbie would know exactly what to say to help me deal with this hell hole of a place I have to live in.

"If only you were here. We'd be making fun of Brent and Ryan. You'd probably make fun of me, considering how I must 'present myself'. I would never hear the end of it! I miss you!" I find myself talking to the pictures and smiling through the tears. When will this ache in my chest go away?

My phone begins to ring and scares me half to death. It's Lou. I let it go to voicemail. I can't allow her to hear me like a blubbering idiot. I need to pull myself together before I talk to her.

Dr. Lorenson said every day will get a little easier. Some days are better than others. I finish my studies and cry myself to sleep.

* * * *

I had to apply a couple extra layers of make up this morning. My eyes were still puffy from all the crying last night. I just need to paint a smile on my face and make it through the day. I can take it all out on the volleyball court later at tryouts. I've got to stay focused! Making this team would mean the world to me.

I meet up with Lou and apologize for missing her call. I make up some bullshit excuse that I fell asleep while reading our language arts homework. She seems to accept it and we enter the campus together.

The day drags on and I keep looking at the clock every five minutes. Would the end of the day hurry up and get here already?! I need to get back on that volleyball court and finish these tryouts. The stress and anxiety is killing me!

Finally! The bell rings and I turn to leave my final class of the day.

"Hey, Cailin!" I hear over my shoulder.

I turn to look and see Niall jogging to catch up to me.

"Hey, Niall!" I greet him.

"I just wanted to wish you good luck today. I know your an ace and they'd be stupid if they don't put you on the team." He smiles.

"Thanks." I smile back.

"Niall!" Deo yells from behind him.

"Gotta go. Good luck!" He quickly says as he turns and walks towards his group of friends.

I would love to be part of that group. Those guys are more my speed. I just wish I could slide into that role undetected.

"Let's go! We don't want to be late!" Lou runs up next to me, out of nowhere, grabbing my arm and dragging me into the locker room.

A/N- It's a bit of a filler but a little insight into Cailin. Thank you so much for being so patient between updates. Please don't forget to vote, share and/or comment! As always, thank you so much for reading!