smithereens.

V. brave

i remember the first time we crossed paths

a guy with glasses and a leather jacket

and i remember stopping dead in my tracks

it felt like i just walked through the door

of an empty place that i could use as home

voices in my head saying "you're not alone"

i used to scold you for not sleeping well

you always looked tired, but pretty as hell

and by then, i couldn't control my steps

you told me a good story everyday

and i used to look up at your beautiful face

until yesterday, i laughed at the jokes you made

that night, i said that three words

and then, you wanted me gone

you dare to say that i'm so pretty

with tears streaming down my cheeks

you look forward to your future

but your past will always tug on your sleeve

so, here we are one more time

facing the outset of a fallout

i'm not the same woman anymore

the little girl that dared to love you

you were building up these walls

and i was digging my own grave

i can't be detached, so i choke on my words

but this time, for once, i have to be brave

and oh well, here i am again

trying not to surrender to pain

counting the feelings i have to refrain

my mind comes back to the shelter

like i'm stuck in a broken record

this shelter has finally crashed

turned the lights on and off for years

how well could you get to know me?

not enough to know i lied through my teeth

wanting something out of my league

expected what you didn't want to give

but that wasn't what made me want to leave

i have words, but i don't know what to say

all i know is that i'd never hurt you that way

a broken promise is all that it takes

to this fortress break down in flames

you called me up again that night

just to pick up an unexpected fight

i stood up and stared wide-eyed

as you walked down the aisle

beautiful on a suit of your favorite color

my bones healed when i looked at your face

in this life, you were the one who was always late

but then, reality breathed me back to a room so hollow

shelters are breaking now

even before the storm

i can burn this house down

and it won't keep me warm

i don't wanna be condescending

but my broken bones aren't mending

i just wish i didn't love you as a friend

so we could both burn bridges in the end

the only good thing about this breaking

is you can't love me enough to hate me

every smile i fake is plastered on my face

after everything, i shouldn't have stayed