Silent Scream

Chapter 7- Stains of Red

There's that story about the wolf who acted like a sheep. A fake. Hiding in plain sight. Getting closer to it's prey... and then BOOM. It's a blood bath. Why did Evan have to be the wolf and I the naive sheep? I never expected him to be... to be my worst nightmare... But I refuse to let this break me right now. I plan on confronting him as soon as possible... just not...right now.

I got up and sat up on my bed. I wiped my tears and punched the headboard on my bed once. It hit the wall and made a loud sound. I stopped and gasped as I held my fisted hand. That hurt like a bitch. I looked at the clock and it was now 5:42 AM. It was a Saturday so I could still go back to sleep. I laid down and tossed and turned. My body was awake and well that's that. I looked up at the ceiling and thought about all the shitty things in life. 

I opened my eyes and it was already 10:33 am. I guess I ended up going to sleep after all. I yawned and sat up, stretching. My hand still ached a bit from punching the headboard earlier. I stood up and walked my bathroom sink and brushed my teeth. My phone started ringing, but I knew what it was already. See, when I was found, my doctors had reccomended therapy to help with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and schitzophrennia. Yep, that's me.. the mental illness magnet. My first day with my therapist was just awkward, but she didn't push the subject. Her name is Dr. Jenny. She was really nice and instead of getting straight to asking me what I remember or whatever, she asked me how my day was going. She asked me if I had a boyfriend or if I was in any school activities. She made me feel like a normal person... anyways so she asked me to write in a journal. Journal entries. About how I feel that day or if I've had any problems. She wouldn't read it unless I said she could, so that's good. I sat down on my bed and turned off my reminder to write in the journal. I wrote 19 entries so far. It seems to work out pretty well. Here I go...

Journal Entry #20 – Colorful Tears

An eternal sadness was imminent for me. Now it's one bad thing after another. It's a great pain to watch things I love be taken away one by one. You look in my eyes and see al happiness has evanesced. My mind is trapped in infinite darkness. It's as if nothing is going right anymore. I walk forward blindly and trip in a puddle of despair. Inside of me is a never-ending darkness. Outside is a mouth that smiles and reiterates the words, "Yes, I'm okay." As colorful tears stain my cheeks. Whenever people called me weird or not normal, I would translate that as them calling me exotic and I thought that was a good thing. There was a time where I was blinded by my infallibility, but now, failing is apparently what I do best. It's as if I have failed as a human entirely. My colorful tears symbolize each of my failures. Each tear colored with my undeniable pain. My doggedness used to be my best trait, but now it's the reason that pushes everyone away. I'm like a glass vase sitting precariously on the counter: seconds until I fall and shatter completely. My doom is imminent. A ticking time bomb till I go insane. Yet, as I shelter my mind from the harsh heresy of insanity, there I am. Smiling with my color stained cheeks. Pain is not within just me, but within all. People mistake the color of sorrow for red, blue, or even black. But if sorrow was a color, then my friend, this would be one colorful world.

I looked at my notebook and smiled a little. I put it back under my pillow and that's when a wave of sickness flooded my body. I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. It seemed like hours have passed as I sat there dry-heaving. It left a sour feeling in my stomach, but I just couldn't throw up anymore. I stood up and washed my mouth out. I walked out of my room and went downstairs to eat breakfast. My mom had made pancakes, butnot  just any pancakes. Chocolate chip pancakes. God, they smelled so good. My stomach rumbled as I grew nearer to the kitchen where the aroma was thick and sweet. I grabbed myself a plate and a stack of five pancakes. "Woah, when's the last time you ate?" my mother joked. I laughed and grabbed the syrup. I sat down and ate my pancakes. God, I've never eaten something this good. Well, I have...but you know, when you're starving, anything tastes the best. I finished my last bite with a big glass of orange juice. Mmm....

I sat on the couch in the living room and turned on my PS4. Oh, yeah. Forgot to mention that I love gaming. Behind that pretty make-up and 4 inch heels, you got a girl in an oversized shirt with hair up and a controller in her hands. Except no one knows that side of me. They only know the queen bitch. Well... they knew.. but I guess now I'm just the girl who was used and mysteriously came back. I went into my account and put on my headphones. Time to stream.

I looked at the time and it was already 4pm. I got up from the couch and walked up to my room. I felt so tired...aand my stomach felt sick. I might have the stomach flu or just the flu in general. I turned off the lights and starts walking to my bed a laid my head on my pillow only for it to feel oddly warm and damp... I felt my hands and they had a liquid on it. A thick liquid. I turned on my lamp next to my bed to see that my hand, my face, and my pillow stained red... Blood... I started hypervenalating and that's when the closet door started opening..

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Sorry for the long update