"I once read in my physics book that the universe begs to be observed, that energy travels and transfers when people pay attention. Maybe that's what love really boils down to--having someone who cares enough to pay attention so that you're encouraged to travel and transfer, to make your potential energy spark into kinetic energy."
- Jasmine Warga
Normalcy and beauty were strange concepts in the hospital. After all, normal was not something that could easily be found. And beauty, beauty was truly something interesting. Because how could she find those two things here?
Yet, Chou managed to get a sense of normalcy and beauty in the cell block. Not any sense of normalcy that could stand the test outside the concrete walls, of course, but a normalcy that one settles into after several days of sameness. The cell block with still always cold, so Chou made a point of carrying her blanket around with her in the mornings. She stopped being surprised at her newly cut hair's length.
Her relationships with the boys became different as well. Through many conversations, it became easier to understand Taehyung's comforting drawled accent. Jeongguk would sit down next to her at mealtimes, and while they still did not speak too much, they would exchange small smiles, and that seemed to be enough of a conversation in itself. She and Hoseok - she had taken to calling him that, he seemed to like being called that perhaps just a little bit more if the lightness in his eyes had anything to say about it - had wonderful conversations. One afternoon after his therapy, Hoseok had run to her as best he could and hugged her. He was crying.
"What's wrong?" she asked, panicked.
He sniffled. "I didn't need to take my morning heroin replacement today."
Chou smiled and hugged him back.
When Yoongi was sitting at the piano, but there was no music, Chou would go to him to speak about songs. When he was sitting and the piano and there was music, she made a point of letting him see that she was interested in and listening to the music. Namjoon and Chou talked religion and literature, and a lot of other playful banter about nothing important. Jimin would speak to her about his sister and how he used to be a dancer. Once, when Yoongi was playing a piece that Chou didn't know, Chou asked Jimin if he would be willing to dance. The boy blushed furiously, but with a bit of prodding, nodded and stood up. He seemed unsure of himself for a few seconds but then got into the rhythm of the piece.
Jimin started a complicated dance that didn't make sense to Chou, but it drew her in. She almost didn't notice how the other boys quieted and looked to Jimin.
During that dance, Chou saw a part of Jimin that she had never seen before, as if that piece had been sleeping and it was only the dance that had awoken it.
The dance was breathtaking. It was as if Jimin had left his body and become part of the air, blowing like the wind that never made its way into the cell block. Then, the soft breeze intensified into a gusting hurricane. It was something beautiful, something Chou had not seen in a long time. The speed of the music increased, the Jimin followed its lead. He was spinning around, and around, and there was suddenly a soft, lovely noise like small bells ringing. It took Chou too long to realize that it was the sound of Jimin breathlessly laughing.
Yoongi ended the piece with a dramatic flourish, and Jimin stopped dancing, laughing even harder. He dramatically fell to the floor, which luckily had a discarded blanket carelessly thrown there by someone. He was still laughing, and Hoseok spoke up.
"Ah, come on, you can do better than that!" he yelled scoldingly, but his voice was joking. "So sloppy!"
Jimin continued panting on the floor. "Yeah? Let's see you do better, hyung!" he shouted back with another laugh.
Hoseok swore at him violently, and it only made Jimin giggle louder and the other boys laugh into their hands. Their humor was infectious, and Chou herself started laughing, despite how hard she was trying not to. She ignored Hoseok's betrayed glance in her direction and went to Jimin, holding her hand out to him. He grabbed it, and she helped pull him up.
"Thanks," he whispered to her.
She smiled in return.
Later that day, Chou stood alone in the women's shower room, the steaming water cascading down her body. She couldn't help but notice just how much less hair was surrounding the drain. That awful nurse really had done a number on her hair. In order to distract herself, she looked around the dark room.
It was truly a dismal place. Dim, for one, with only one overhead light. Everything inside the room was some shade of gray or brown. The showerheads and knobs were silver. She was able to see small reflections of herself in them, something that she didn't get very often. In the full picture, she probably looked awful. In some ways, she was glad there was not much opportunity to see her reflection. She was also somewhat glad for the tall brick walls that surrounded each shower area. They made her see less of the dismal room.
The sound of someone approaching, his or her feet splashing on the puddled floor, made Chou sigh and wrap her towel around herself. The nurses never let her stand under the warm water as much as she would like.
But much to her surprise, when she opened the door fully, there wasn't a nurse. Instead, Jeongguk stood there, eyes wide in horror. His face was a shade of bright red.
"Sorry," he squeaked, and turned to run away.
"Wait!" she called.
He froze, then shifted uncomfortably.
"Why did you want to come in here?" she asked, curious.
He turned back to her, looking sheepish. "The water is warmer in here than in the other showers. I'm always cold there."
Chou tightened the towel around herself and looked at the boy. He wore no shirt and Chou thought that is she looked awful, then Jeongguk looked as if he had been dragged out of Hell itself. He looked unhealthy, frail. His ribs were prominently visible underneath his pale skin. No wonder he thought it was cold. His body was covered in faint scars, the frequency of the marks increasing the closer her eyes got to the usually bandaged hands. His hands were awful to look at like some awful accident had happened with glass and left the skin mangled after the shards had been removed.
"I'm done," she said then. "I can leave. If you would like me to. That way, you can use the showers in here without feeling bad."
He seemed surprised. "You don't mind?"
She shook her head. "I don't mind."
YOU ARE READING
Butterfly
Fanfiction"Invisible and inevitable, like a butterfly that beats its wings in one corner of the globe and with that single action changes the weather halfway across the world." ― Alice Hoffman ~~ Chou Tsushima is an investigative reporter with excellent train...
