How everything started (taylor momsen girlxgirl)

Chapter 26

No ones point of view

The two walked into their relatively small apartment block and up into their apartment, the two exhausted from the long night at the hospital and the fact that they had still had a very restless week, but to no surprise did they stay up to admire the scenery before them outside on their balcony, the starry night filling them both with serenity and calmness, drawing them in, Holly grew exceedingly tired and the thought of not going to sleep seemed obscene to her, despite the constant nagging that went through her eyes about her terrible nightmares, it seemed like a conquest for Holly to sleep now, her mind killing her slowly with the ever haunting fears that bored into her very soul, these deep concoctions making no sense to her at all. Her head was spinning from the pain and the outburst that she had, had in the restaurant, the images playing back to her almost like a movie on repeat, she couldn't help but think about her actions, or the fact she'd walked in to find some girl trying to eat her girlfriends face, both these things running a mock of her mind, dancing around together making it harder for Holly to sleep, her fatigue now taking over and causing her to become irritable and agitated, she flopped onto the bed and wrapped herself into the white duvet, trying to find a comfortable position, but feeling a missing warmth "Taylor? Can we please go to sleep now?" She yawned out, her eyes becoming heavier by the minute, it was admittedly because of the strong medication Holly was now having to take for her head injury "yeah sure I'll be just a minute" Taylor called from the bathroom replying to Holly's question, Holly sighed quietly to herself as she sat patiently on the side of the bed, finding no use in laying down if Taylor was not there and she could not find comfort, Taylor walked in and watched the poor girl hunched over herself, her posture had grown lazy over the past week, her head hung low resting in her hands, her breathing slow, Taylor knew something was bothering her, but Holly wasn't always one to open up, it took a lot for her to finally break, to finally get out aloud the thoughts that ran around like children in a playground in her mind.
Taylor made her way over to the bed, snaking her arms around Holly's torso as she rested her chin on the distressed girls shoulder "what's going on in that head of yours?" She asked, kissing Holly's neck lightly, Holly proceeded to relax into Taylor's arms as she bit her lip, the contemplation of explaining her mind to Taylor or not daunting on her, she never quite understood it herself, she just knew that sometimes she was trapped in it, just waiting for a ray of sunshine to let her out, because in all honesty she never really knew how to put the thoughts she had into words without hurting or offending someone, she lifted her head slightly and looked out at the sky "I guess I miss it, just being able to sleep, it's been a week and still those same old nightmares keep haunting my ever so restless sleep, it's like there's never a light in those dark moments, because I'm alone there, no one to stop them, I just wanna be able to sleep again properly, I feel so disorientated and incoherent when I'm tired and it frustrates me, I've lashed out and done things I wouldn't usually do if I wasn't so tired, first the pap then the girl in Taco Bell, that's not me, not really me, that's just my brain acting out before I've really registered what's going on" she replied honestly, her voice was so tired, so hoarse but her words still intellectual and insightful, Taylor suddenly understood why it had felt so weird when Holly had acted the way she did, it wasn't like her, Holly wasn't violent, she hated it, she was usually the lovely romantic who wore her heart on her sleeve and always got hurt, but no matter how much you hurt her she couldn't hurt you back, Taylor suddenly remembered a quote she'd read a long time ago "the saddest people always try their hardest to make others happy because they know what's it's like to feel like shit" Taylor wondered whether this was Holly, but she half-heartedly knew that it was reality and not just some thought that had popped into her mind, she knew Holly had been through a lot, the world threw knives at her, she took a step forward to take two or three back, but still she threw out kindness, she was always so selfless, as if anything selfish she did would cause a war, she constantly thought with herself internally and Taylor finally realized this, the sudden realization overwhelming her, she let a tear role down her face, she wanted to give Holly everything, she wanted her to be selfish, she wanted her to live happily but about all Taylor wanted to be the reason for all that and she swore to herself then at that moment that she would be, even if it killed her.
Holly brushed the pad of her thumb across Taylor's cheek collecting the tear that had fallen and kissing the spot she had stopped it "why are you crying?" She whispered as she looked to her girlfriend, a silent plea in her eye that it wasn't her who had caused the blond beauty in front of her to cry "it's nothing, I guess I'm just so tired that it upset me that you can't sleep" Taylor replied, half of it was truth but not all, Holly knew this, over the past month or so she had managed to read Taylor, knowing her every emotion, knowing her truths and her lies, she let it slide though, knowing in herself she was too exhausted to fight or argue with Taylor about it and so she decided she would lay down, Taylor letting go allowing her and then masking her actions, they laid together cuddled into one another as though if they'd let go they would surely die.
Holly fell asleep first, Taylor mindlessly drawing light circles on her abdomen that were displayed due to Taylor lifting her top slightly to play with the tarnished, unblemished and unflawed skin beneath it, Taylor smiled happily as she felt Holly's chest rise and fall her breathing paced evenly, she knew she was asleep and stayed awake for about another hour before letting her own eyes close, her mind wiling her off to her dreams and releasing her from her reality.

Holly's point of view

Music sounded loud through the speakers as I stood at the side of the stage watching Taylor, I admired the fact that she had two different personas, there was my Taylor, the seemingly innocent and cute yet still hot and then this Taylor, the hot, sexy badass chick that seemed to have no emotions, like nothing could wound her, the one everyone knew. The speakers hurt my ears but I was enjoying myself, I closed my eyes listening to the lyrics of "Under the water" reminding me of darker days, when I found comfort in the song on the many occasions id spent alone in my room, suddenly the music stopped and screams filled the arena, I opened my eyes to see Taylor in a head on the floor, jumping up onto the stage I ran to her side, people screaming and crying, I turned her over to she her eyes closed and usual bright features now full of pain, her hands were applying pressure to her stomach when I realized she had been shot, I applied pressure to her wound and started to cry, everyone had been ushered out of the arena as paramedics made their way over to us, a gurney running along side them, they started to rap bandages on the wound knowing that they would need pressure applied, they quickly lifted her onto the gurney and rushed to the ambulance, the ambulance rushing down the highway, then all of a sudden screeches sounded loudly in my ears as a truck collided with the ambulance completely wrecking it.....
I woke up screaming Taylor's name, jolting into a sitting position as I panted heavily feeling the beads of sweat drip down my face "Hey! I'm here I'm here" Taylor spoke, her voice tired, she grabbed a hold of me and embraced me in a tight hug, I returned the gesture and cried, I cried for what seemed like hours "you wanna talk about it?" She asked finally as my sobs became muffled and I started to sniff "n...n...no" I spluttered out, I couldn't breath properly and I tried to focus on it, I was starting to hyperventilate and I knew it wasn't good for my head "hey listen to me, I want you to focus on my breathing alright, nothing else but my breathing and I want you to copy it" Taylor ordered and she laid down with me on top of her, I followed her order and continued to mask her breathing feeling myself come back together and my breathing getting better, I finally managed to console myself and so I rolled onto my side of the bed, I was still so tired and I just wanted a full nights sleep, I mean is that do much to ask?

Taylor's point of view

After Holly's nightmare, she laid there quietly. Just staring at the ceiling, I knew she was tired and just wanted to sleep, I could sense the agitation that came from her, she closed her eyes and sighed, pulling me closer to her as I re took my previous position and we both laid together, we stayed like this for about an hour, I continuously drew small patterns on Holly's abdomen that would grow taut at each tough after I'd removed my finger to replace it and start tracing again, after about two hours she finally fell back to sleep, this time I had hope that she'd last the rest of the night, for her sake, she just needed to sleep. I too fell asleep after and went back into my dream, not at all interesting but not quite so dull, I constantly dreamed of tour lately, the things that would happen, me and Holly on the road together, she even performed with me in my dreams and her voice, god her voice, it was amazing, I slept with a smile on my face straight throw till morning and so did Holly, maybe not smiling but she slept.