My friends and lovers

The Death

"Adam," She called to me.

I glared at her, lasers pulverising through her fragile form. She knew my name wasn't Adam, she knew vines were banned, yet she still tried her luck. I laughed, her ashes would be used in my Eternal Youth Potion.

I snorted her ashes like children with coffee grounds, licking my lips hungrily. Eternal beauty would be mine! I swore it to the Lord Satan!

"My love, more ashes for you!" My one millionth and forty-fifth lover called.

I followed her out of the room, allowing her to wrap a blindfold around my eyes. If only she knew to wrap it around my throat instead (Oh wait, she's trying to surprise me!)

Gone was the bloodbath (PUNS) that filled my tub. Gone was the crimson blood speckled with the last screams of my victims. It was now filled with their ashes. I dove into them like Eva Smith did with Gerald, and I was in heaven! I snorted them all, feeling the beauty overwhelm me. I would be beautiful! Forever!

If only I had known that they would make me too young, returning me to my child form until I was left only as a gabbling baby. My lover, my betrayer, plucked me from the ashes as I cried. She walked to the window, conveniently on the highest floor as well. She kissed my forehead as I drivelled all over Gucci my lovers were required to wear.

"Goodbye, My Empress," She whispered, as she yeeted me from the window.

And the next day, Empress Onion was crowned.