Bits and Pieces of a Damaged But Not Broken Mind

Unspoken

I'm in an indescribable amount of pain right now. This is simply what I think constantly but can rarely express
~

I'm in pain yet I can't admit it.
Feelings that are not supposed to be felt, words that are not supposed to be thought, pain that is not supposed to be dealt with, is all coming to the surface and I have no idea what to do.
They say that existence is pain, but those who say so have been silenced. Written over by the novelists, who called life a beautiful tragedy. Yet it is anything but.

My chest hurts and my mind is flooded and my mouth refuses to speak, only allowing lies to fall from it, saying things like "I'm fine" and "nothing's wrong" and "everything is good". There is hidden good in everything, yet it's hidden pretty damn far down; and I would know, I have always been good at hide and seek. What's lost may not always be found, nor do they always want to. But I have lost myself, and am drowning in the things that I refuse to get help for.

I pretend to be an optimist, when truthfully, I am a realist. And knowing that we are all going to perish one day, without even the guarantee that we will be remembered, is a comfort for me, yet it is terribly dangerous at the same time.

And somehow, the danger has never looked more appealing.