Better ~Jean x Reader AU~

Chapter 3: Dad

I took in a deep breath, inhaling the H/P air, listening to all the commotion of the place I knew so well before exhaling it all out. I was hiding in my hotel room, doing my best to digest what I had learned.

"It's...it's stage four cancer. Skin cancer...melanoma to be exact," he had breathed, the grip on his blanket tight. "Doctors are saying it's already began to spread to my lungs."

My eyes went wide, my mouth agape. It was a good thing I had been sitting because I could feel my soul drain from my body, leaving my limbs numb and limp. My pulse became all I heard strumming through my ears as my heart raced against my ribs. I became dizzy and nauseous from the sudden rush of emotions. Shock...anger...fear...despair...sorrow...I felt it all and more.

"C-cancer?" I stuttered, feeling a lump form in my throat. "Like, real cancer?"

"Well, that's the only cancer I know," he swallowed. "Listen, I know you probably have questions and I understand that, but the truth is I don't have any answers. I'm still swallowing this myself."

I gasped, "Cancer...cancer." I brought my eyes directly to his, making sure he saw. "How long have you known?"

"I guess I do have the answer for that one," he admitted. He dropped his gape to his lap and sighed, "I've known for almost a month now."

As if my eyes weren't wide enough, I could feel them almost pop out of their sockets. Almost a month? Almost a month? I bit my lips and balled my hands into fists. He's known all this for almost a whole month and he's just now telling me? A mixture of emotions consumed me at that. As if I hadn't been feeling enough, his response was enough to almost knock the breath from my lungs.

"Almost a month?" I repeated, lifting a brow. "You've known all this for almost a whole month and you're just now telling me?"

He perked up, furrowing his brows as he spat, "What? I've been trying to get a hold of you for weeks. Weeks." He leaned forward, the anger showing in both his tone and facial expression. "You think I didn't want to tell you right away? You think I didn't try to text and call you? You've been completely ignoring me. If it wasn't for me being sick, I would've flown out to Trost to see if you were still alive." Tears began to gloss over his eyes. "I didn't know if you were sick or hurt or God knows what else."

That hit me. He was right. How many of his calls did I ignore? How many of his texts did I not reply to or even read? How long had it been since I'd actually held a conversation with him? The more I thought about it all, the more I felt like shit. I was in the wrong -me. I was the horrible one.

I collapsed in my seat, the tears beginning to roll down my cheeks as I choked, "I-I'm s-so sorry, D-Dad." I hurried to wipe some of the tears away with my fist. "I'm so, so sorry. I was...I was being so childish."

I listened as I heard him pull back his blanket and sit up. He pulled me into his arms, my face burying into his chest as he wrapped me into a warm hug. "It's okay. You're here now." He kissed the crown of my head, continuing, "This won't slow me down. I'll be back to normal in no time." There was a brief silence before he added, "I'm so sorry, Y/N."

It was funny to think about it at that moment. I didn't know why he was sorry. I was the one who screwed up. I was the one who ignored her father's texts and calls like some little teenager. I was the one who was sorry. I let my judgment get clouded by my emotions and it was all my fault. He had no reason to be sorry. It wasn't like he made himself sick.

I inhaled once again and let out a haggard breath as I scanned H/P. It felt like a lifetime since I'd been there even though it hadn't even been all that long. I was only in my second semester at MRU so I hadn't even been living in Trost for a year yet. Still, as I gazed out at the city (if by chance ya don't live in a city, then call it whatever you want -ex: town, suburb, whatever) I realized how much had stayed the same. The hustle and bustle of everyday life still progressed, even without me. I couldn't say why I thought of it that way. I was just one girl. Just one average plain Jane. It wasn't like I dictated how things went.

Still...it felt weird to be there. Maybe it was because I felt like such a foreigner there. I had never felt like I belonged there, but when you see all the things you know still progressing without you there...it makes you realize how small you really are. That was how I took it all. I was so small. I was so small in the grand scheme of things. I was nothing but a minuscule speck drifting along this crazy thing known as life. And I had no control over it.

I had no control.

**Bello my wonderful lovelies. Okay, so I won't lie. Gonna be real. I listened to "Praying" by Kesha the whole time I typed this chapter because I have a habit of disconnecting from my emotions/reality at times and music helps settle me back into them. Well, this very emotional song took me back to all the feelings I felt when my own father was diagnosed, and it was intense. It allows me to look back and see how far he's come and how close our relationship has become because, to be honest, even though my dad has always been in my life and my folks are both still married, he was still rarely present. He worked a lot. But we're close now. I see him every single day. When he got sick, I was angry. I was angry at the world. I was angry at him. I was angry at God. I was just angry and scared. And, despite what this song's original message is, it reminds me that everything is okay. I know I'm rambling. I lucked out to still have my dad. So many people are out there without one or both of their parents. So many people are out there struggling to just survive. But, hear me. A friend once told me that the worst thing in the world is happening to you because it's you going through it. I'm not saying this world. I mean your world; your life. No one can feel the pain you feel and you can't feel what someone else is feeling. I'll never know how you all face your hells, but I will know mine. I've been through hell and back again. What I'm saying is to always be kind. Always show love. Always enjoy the little things. You'll have bad days but remember how strong you are. You are a badass, okay? You are all badass. Keep being uniquely you. Sorry for rambling. Thank you so much for everything. Wuv yous. <3**

-Noel Ross