Better ~Jean x Reader AU~

Chapter 18: Tight

I couldn't take my eyes off the gown I had hanging up on my wardrobe's door. The dress Alexandra had bought for me for the Ball. The dress she was using as a reminder to stay away from what was hers. I was doing that...but did the day before count?

Running into him at the hospital...

Did that matter? Did that mean I broke her request? I didn't go there searching for him. Surely that was outside her conditions. Right?

I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed heavily. What Alexandra doesn't know won't hurt her. I drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. I rested my forehead on my kneecaps and swallowed. Life was too complicated. It had once been so simple and easy to live in, but in those days it was growing more and more confusing and overwhelming.

I missed the simplicity.

A grumble of thunder rolled through the clouds outside, rattling the glass of my window. I bit down on my bottom lip. I didn't know it was supposed to storm today. It was almost ironic. That brewing squall overhead almost matched me. What I felt deep within the pit of my stomach was a wickedly complicated sensation to say at best. I was angry and upset with myself, but there was more than just rage. I was also aching...my heart was aching, the ping pulling at it.

I tightened my hold around my legs and curled my toes into the mattress. I could feel my chest tightening and my breath hitching. What the hell is this? Why am I feeling like this? What is wrong with me? I sniffled, fighting back the forming tears.

I almost wished guilt would have consumed me because at least then I could have scolded myself, but that mix of emotions I was experiencing instead was my own hell. It was hell because I couldn't figure out why I was feeling what I was feeling.

I just...I just want this to stop. I just want life to be normal again.

**Bello all my sweet lovelies! Sorry for the short filler chapter. Today was a bit of a difficult typing day. Really just struggled with it all today. So, I'm very sorry if it's kinda (or really) sucky. Still, thank you for all the support y'all give me. I truly appreciate you all so much! Stay fresh. Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross