Lola (Completed)

6 Guilt in Spades

***Trigger Warning at the end***

Mackenzie

I try to sweep up the glass into the dustpan, but my hands are shaking so violently that it almost all misses. I leave it and walk down the hallway to the broom closet to grab the vacuum.

I swallow as I bend over to plug in the vacuum. I feel nauseous from the waves of sorrow and pain coming from Lola and the sheer fury rolling off of Bastian.

I have no idea what happened, but it calms me down to think it over as I clean up the shards of glass in the hallway.

Bastian had been furious, shouting something about Jacob hurting Lola. Another wave of sickness rolls over me as I remember the dark emotions that had reached me in my room down the hall. Bastian had been beyond livid. I think he would have killed Jacob if Samuel had not come to drag him to the infirmary.

It was only after the fight was over that I had felt Lola. She feels... empty. Her sorrow is so deep, so complete. It's like a black vortex threatening to pull me under.

Shuddering to myself, I put the vacuum back and gather my courage to peek into Jacob's room. The door swings open on creaking, half-broken hinges. A hole is punched clear through the solid wood door. My mouth hangs open at the destruction inside. It looks like the entire room has been tossed in a robbery. More holes are punched in the walls. A mirror over the dresser has been shattered just like the one in the hallway. Bed linens are torn and thrown around. A bookcase is overturned, paper and knickknacks scattered everywhere.

I step back out of the room and grab some trash bags. I've been cleaning for a only few minutes when the door swings open slowly.

"Hi Mac," Lola whispers hoarsely.

I offer her a smile that she fails to return. "Hi Loles."

Silently she begins to help me clean. I feel like she is hiding from everyone by being here. Guilt burns in her, buried under layers and layers of shame. She is at fault for both my brothers getting beaten by our alphason, but I sure as hell am not going to push her away. I can't, because I can feel how much pain she is in. Her depression is like a black hole, sucking every ounce of her happiness away. It scares me. I don't want to lose Lola and this depth of suffering is something I haven't really felt before.

"What happened?" I finally ask quietly.

"I'm a damn whore," Lola bursts into noisy tears and throws herself in my arms. I drop the trash bag I am holding and we sink to the floor together. I don't say anything. I can't even think of what to say to comfort her. I'm not brave enough to poke at her emotions.

Finally, she stops crying and we finish cleaning up the room. Every so often Lola hiccups tearfully, and she goes through an entire box of tissues, but she keeps cleaning.

"Lola," Bastian snarls from the doorway. She jumps and shrieks, startled. Bastian is glaring at her, but his gaze softens as he sees me. "Mac," he nods in my direction. "Girls, you can stop cleaning now. He can clean his own fucking mess." He holds out his hand to Lola. "It's late. Goodnight, Mac."

Lola murmurs a 'thank you' in my direction and hurries to Bastian. He pulls her from the room and I can hear him scold her. "Keep out of his fucking room, Lola. Go shower."

My heart hurts. I retreat to my room to be pitiful by myself. Worry for the pack and for Lola and Bastian circle in my mind as I change into my pajamas. I curl into the center of the bed and wrap myself mummy-style in my blankets.

I dream of Alpha Ryker Holden. He and I are discussing our flower centerpieces for our wedding.

The next morning I wake up late, as usual. This time, though, it isn't because of some inexplicable cramps, or because I am trying to avoid my brothers, but because I really, really loved my dream.