It had been three days since the letter came and I still haven't told him. It will break his heart and I just can't bear it, every time I try the words fall out of place and I get tongue twisted. Our three year anniversary in in two days and I want to tell him before, I know it will never be the same after I tell him but I have to. It's not like I can just leave for four months and tell him when I come back for holiday. You know when you feel guilty for something and the feeling just won't go away? Like until you speak for your actions you don't feel right with the world? That is exactly how I feel right now.
After almost three years of being with Calum it feels weird to spend a day without him, let alone be in a different continent going to school. He has been there for me when no one else was, he's been my best friend when no one else has, he's one of the reasons I am still alive.
I lie awake in my bed, there's too much to think about right now I need to do something to clear my head. I turn over in my bed to find Kate's feet in my face. For those of you that don't know her she is my best friend yet she is more like a sister to me. I haven't seen her in forever and so when she got back into town yesterday we decided to have a sleepover. "Kate," I shake her,
"Kate."
She stretches out and opens her eyes to find me staring at her through the darkness. Sitting up she checks her phone, "oh this better be good Ana. It's two a.m. what is such a problem you had to wake me of all people."
"I just, I just need to get my mind off of things right now, and since you're finally here we could do something. We could go shopping or something." I tried not to sound too
desperate when I talked but it didn't work at all.
Her expression turned into a sad smile and she just nodded along. She got out of the bed and went to get her shoes while I sat there telling myself it'll be alright I can tell him tomorrow. Right now I am going to have a fun time with my sister and not think. Kate walked back into the room with two pairs of heels in her hands and went straight to her suitcase. She took out a small black dress and took one pair of the heels with her along with her makeup bag. I gaze at her unsure of her intentions.
"You said you wanted to get your mind off of things and what better way to do it then talking to drunk people at a club?" She speaks with such an energetic voice though she just woke up. "You can either continue to sit there and be trapped in your thoughts or you could get ready we're leaving in ten minutes."
If there was one thing about Kate that I loved the most it would be that she could turn any situation into a positive one. I obeyed her orders and put a dress on with heels. I didn't care much for makeup it just takes too long in my opinion. When she comes out of the bathroom she motions for the door. We sneak our way out trying not to wake mum up on the way to the car.
In the car not a word is said until we get into the parking lot of the club. "You have your ID right?" She opens the door and waits for an answer. I pull it out of my phone case and she smiles.
Once we get past the bumper and into the club I see lots of sweaty people awkwardly dancing to loud music. Kate tells me to go get a drink and relax a little and pushes me towards the stools. When the bar tender asks me what I want I say a water because alcohol makes me sick.
"You don't look much like the two a.m. party type." A boy next to me speaks over the music, his hair was cut shorter on the sides with a little sticking up in front. He was probably nineteen and completely sober. "You don't look so much like the type either," I yell back.
"I'm just here to drive my friends back when they can't walk straight," he laughed and looked into the sea of people at who, I presume, are his friends.
"I couldn't sleep because of my thoughts so my sister suggested pouring my heart out to a drunken guy who wouldn't remember it the next day." I smiled at how ridiculous I sounded saying that.
"Well I'm sorry to say I don't drink but I can talk if you want."
"Are you sure? I don't want to badger you with my problems."
"I'm here and you need a friend so tell me, what's clouding your mind?" His friendly yet questioning gaze made me feel a bit better than when I arrived.
"Well I've been dating this guy, his name is Calum, for a while now, it's gonna be three years in a couple of days. He's my everything, I'd do anything for him and he'd do the same for me." I can't help but smile as I talk about him, I always do. The boy next to me sits quietly and listens.
"I worked all throughout school to get good grades and be at the top of my class and I did. I applied to my dream university and got in, except that university is in America. Calum doesn't know that I applied, or that I'm going." I feel a tear trying to escape but I rub my eye and hold it back.
The boy gets up from his stool and wraps me in a hug. "Shh it's okay just take deep breaths okay," he whispers in my ear, I barley hear him over the music.
I untangle myself from his arms and speak, "I'm Ana by the way." I laugh at myself and realize that I just told him something that has been eating at my thoughts for days yet I didn't know his name and he didn't know mine.
"Oh, right," he smiles, "I'm Keegan."
"I want to tell him, I really do the longer I wait the more it takes over my brain, but when I try it doesn't come out right. I get my words mixed up and I know that when I tell him he's going to be devastated. It'll crush him and I can't do that. It's my dream university and it will set up the rest of my life. What's your opinion on all this?" I needed to hear what he thought, as a guy he'd know how Calum would feel and that's what I need to know right now.
"You really want to know my opinion on this?" I can tell when he asks it is most likely going to be a one sided opinion.
"Yes," I speak with as much authority as I can find inside me.
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A/N: Hey lovie how was your day/night? So if you don't already know Anneliese will not be writing this story with me but she is writing her own story (Letters To Ashton) and it is AMAZING so y'all should go and read that! Anyway I hoped you liked this chapter because I liked writing it and thank you so so much for reading my story it means a lot to me stay beautiful lovie! ilysm (:
M xox
