Cheyenne: The Art of Love and Jealousy

Chapter Fourteen: Surrender

Cheyenne had moved back in with her mom after three weeks at the William's parents' house. But for the last week, she avoided talking to her mom unless she had to. She decided, however, they should talk because William was coming over for his birthday, and Cheyenne didn't want things to be tense or awkward during dinner.

Cheyenne sat across from her mother at the dining room table with a hot cup of lavender tea to help keep her calm. She was able to keep her temper fairly well most of the time, but William had been right in comparing her temper to gunpowder. Once lit, she would explode into a nearly uncontrollable inferno. Sarah looked at Cheyenne with a mixture of sadness and worry etched onto her face. The stress she had been under over the last few weeks was showing. She looked older, grayer, and a little thinner than the last time Cheyenne saw her.

"I'm sorry," said Sarah quietly. "I was young when I wrote that letter to your father. When I got pregnant with you, John and I were having trouble and I snuck into the bar illegally for a while to have a drink and cool off. Charlie was kind and sympathetic. He bought me a drink, listened and comforted me. Unfortunately, I had more than too many shots and I went home with Charlie instead of going home to my parents' house. I stayed with him for a week." Sarah paused and took a breath. "After that, John and I seemed to be doing fine until you were born. You looked nothing like either of us."

"Is that when you told him that I wasn't his?" asked Cheyenne.

"Yes," said Sarah. "At first, he was great. He took us in when your grandparents threw us out. He was wonderful with you, helped me out, and never mentioned it again. Things didn't get bad until you stopped looking like a baby and he couldn't ignore you not being his. We kept arguing about it because he didn't want to help out anymore. By then, you were starting preschool. It just got worse. He started staying out late and getting drunk."

"And what about the part about not wanting me?"

"I was young and scared. I didn't know if I could handle parenthood at that age. I was only sixteen. I wanted my freedom. But from the moment I felt you kick, I knew I could never give you up. I swore that from that point on, you were that my baby and I loved you. That's why I never sent that letter. I wouldn't give you up for the world."

"But you wanted to abort me," said Cheyenne.

"Only for a week, until I read about the procedure," said Sarah. "I didn't like how they literally cut the baby apart while it's alive. They feel everything. The last thing they do is remove the head, but the body can live for up to seven minutes without the head. So the fetus is in unimaginable pain before it finally dies. Imagine giving birth, then changing your mind and doing the abortion procedure to a newborn. It's the same thing. The difference is an abortion happens while the baby is in the womb. It's still murder as far as I'm concerned. I couldn't bring myself do to that to you. So I was going to put you up for adoption."

"I'm glad you kept me," said Cheyenne. "And thank you for not killing me. I'm glad you're the type of person who does research."

"Me too." Sarah smiled weakly. "I can't imagine life without you."

Cheyenne smiled and ran her hand through her hair, pushing it out of her eyes. Then Sarah spotted the gold ring on her finger and her temperament changed.

"You said you wouldn't get engaged until after high school!"

"Relax, Mom," said Cheyenne. "William and I aren't going to get married for a long time. But yes, we are engaged."

"You're sixteen, Chey!"

"So?"

"You're not pregnant are you?"

"Because it's completely possible for a virgin to conceive," sassed Cheyenne. "My name isn't Mary."

Sarah sighed a sigh of relief but didn't look any less irritated. "How do you think you'll make it through three years of not seeing each other every day?"