Simply Invisible

Chapter 16

Authors note : Hey smilersss!!! Im backkkk. But pre warning this chapter is going to get deep. So if you experience, suffer, or just generally are an emotional person please know that this chapter will contain self harm. I know. But I just want you to get to know what Melissa is going through. I want you to know her like I do. I want you to connect with her on a personal level. And this is how.

Hate is a strong word.

But trust me when I say I hated girls who cried over stupid boys and there stupid hormones cheating on them with stupid girls.. No scrap that. Not just hated

But reviled, loathed and absolutely detested girls who cried over them types of boys. And yet here I was with tears streaming down my face.

But I couldn't help it. Why me? There was no other way.

I am so stupid. I let him in. I laughed with him. I smiled with him. I.... I almost loved him. But it was all too good to be true. People never change and a cheater never changes its spots.

I cant do this anymore. I give up with Leon Black. I give up with the bad boy's game. I give up with Shelby Carter. I give up with girls just like her. I give up with being a disappointment. I give up with being a failure. I give up with never being good enough. I give up with life. I give up with everything. I give up.

So went into my bath room, pale faced and blue lipped and I grabbed a blade. I grabbed a blade and cut deep. I grabbed a blade and slit my problems away.

But you still probably wont understand. Most people don't. You will never understand how much anger, pain and self hatred I must have  to bring a razor blade to my own body and cut into my skin.

I was broken already. But he tore me to shreds. He shattered me. He ripped me apart.

But it was just for attention right? That's what they thought when they looked at me (the shy weirdo girl). I cut for attention right? So its okay. I think about suicide everyday. I starve my self everyday.
I cry my self to sleep. Im broken. But its just for attention right?

I finally let go of the fake smile and let the tears roll down slowly.

I got the blade and sliced my wrists again and winced in pain. So don't do it right, your thinking? Its hurting you so don't do it you scream. Yet you don't realise that the scars on the inside are like a blazing fire and the blade is a tiny match stick. They are so much worse.

And you know why I cut? Because it's a distraction. For one  moment, one small, minor, moment you don't feel all the pain, the loss, the hurt. All you feel is the razor going into your skin, the blood dipping down my hand. You don't think about how alone you are or how fat and ugly you are. You don't think about the way people talk about you behind your back. You don't think about how Leon cheated or how you have no friends.

And the addicting part? Well that's when all the hurt and the pain comes back. When the cut isn't fresh and you can feel all the build up of sadness and  loneliness inside you. So you have to do it again, but a little deeper so the numbness will last a little longer. The pain inside will be delayed longer. And as the pain inside gets worse and worse you have to make the pain on the outside worse and worse. But not nearly as worse enough.

You have it.

You cant control the pain inside so you get to control it outside. You drown yourself in blood, sorrow and pain. And then you fall to the floor and drown yourself in tears that hold the weight of your life....

Authors note
Now. I know what that chapter was. AND IN ABSOLUTELY NO WAY AM I TRYING TO ENCOURAGE SELF HARM. And in no way am I an expert. But I'm showing you how Mel feels. How broke my she is. And how Leon had made it worse. (The next chapter will be Leon's POV...)
Now I know this is weird for me to say after this chapter but I like to end things positive. So keep happy guys, you are special, know that. You are beautiful. Keep happy, keep beautiful, keep strong but most of all (you guessed it!) keeeeeeppp smilinggggg.

Much love
SAVINGASMILE 😘