Oumasai Oneshots

Dinner Plates

did i forget to mention this is a crackfic? that my friends and i wrote on google docs and we just shitposted for like 30 minutes? oops my bad 

yes piss!

Piss!!! Omg mei i wrote piss fic omasai it's for addi nO

u guys all SUCK

just continue off of what i did

KLFDKDF don't leave psllllls what do i write i cant write i can only press f

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"OUMA NO!!!" i die and fall to the ground in a heap.

<sjrjtjrrjtjsjt>

hi my name is saihara shuichi. you're probably wondering how i got into this situation! well, it all started two hours ago.

i was running to school with toast in my mouth cause i was late for school! oh no! suddenly i bump into a small child. we topple on top of each other. "oh i'm sorry" i say startled, and move off the small boy. then i realize the boy is not a child, but my age! it's kokichi ouma, my school crush!

"nishishi its okay saihara-chan after all i've always wanted to be pinned down by you" he winks and i blush.

"F," Ouma says softly. "My super clean white supreme leader uniform..." I look down at ouma's clothing and notice that it's all dirty. i spilt my toast crumbs all over him! thats not good!

"I'm sorry ouma-sama it wont happen again" i look into his purple orbs and we share a romantic moment before he responds "nah its ok but i'm gonna have to use ur washing machine after school"

"oh ok" i momentarily wonder why he can't use his own washing machine but decide not to pry.

"cool where do u live" kokichi asked examining his long and delicious looking fingernails.

"uhh you first i dont wanna tell random normies my address" i wince once i realized what i said. i was mean to my senpai ):

"lol ok its BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP (thats the sound of his address)" kokichi tells me his address.

time skip bc i'm lazy

i watch worriedly as ouma walks into my domain. i had been thinking about him visiting all day and now that it finally happened i felt like i was going to piss my pants. then kokichi's shirt wouldnt be the only thing in the washing machine.

jjjjjjjjj "nice house u got here" ouma says and i nut. "wheres the washing machine"

"its in my bedroom" "ok" he walks into my bedroom. i call out for him to stop but its too late. he saw all the pictures of lady gaga with kokichi'a face drawn on hers i hgave posted on the walls.

"oh dearie!!" ouma says in awe. "thats a lot of photos of lady gaga" he acks as if he doesnt see the drawings. he takes his shirt off in front of me (holy shit its his nips) and puts it in my washing mashine.

i cant stop staring at the large dinner plates on his chest, in awe of how someone's nipples could be so irregularly shaped and large. i finally understood why his nickname was nip kip back in middle school.

I feel my kokoro go doki doki even faster, if that's even possible. heat rushes to my face, and i have to look towards my lady gaga mural in order to even get a semblance of sanity back into me

then the realization hits me.

i'm in love with ouma "nip kip" kokichi

"succi?" kokichi says, lightly flicking one of his larges nipples "do u need anything?"

is he trying to seduce me??? ah, i feel myself only falling harder in love with him

i finally muster i some courage, taking a deep breath trying to push away my feelings of inceldom. i try to look into his panta colored orbs and smile, "nip kip!"

"Oh," his voice sounds excited, "yes??"

"i'm in love with..." i pause (4 dramatic effect), "your nip nops"

kokcihi looks at me, a beautiful smile spreading to his features, "then vore them papa"

I move quickly towards my lover and go to kiss his nipple, but suddenly my braces get caught in the dinner plates. oh shit, oh shit,oh diddly darn shitness popsicle man! i pull my face away only to have the entire nipple fall off.

"Oh no!!" kokichi says

It's a... fake???

He brings out a knife, guess u found out my secret nishishi"

he stabs me

i am finally happy

i am no longer an incel and i have died with my one and only beloved - nip kip's large hypnotic nippel knife

too bad i didn't to show him my nipple collection in my washer machine

~end~

"Wowo shuichi can't believe u got the newest record by nickelback?" kokichi says after he spent a few minutes looking around his room.

"Yea," i said, embarrassed, "he's pretty cool"

"Nicklebakc is so good oh my god" kokichi said, licking his lips, "i wanna fuck him"

"Ok" i said

"Ok" ouma said

Ouma left my house afterwards, and i felt as if i was in a daze

I for sure felt honry now

Not horny im a good christian succi

i looked @ his dick

wow that's a penis wow

can't believe it's not dildo

-i fucking hate whoever wrote this

PLEASE STOP

Ok

Gigantic!koki x fucking tiny troll!shuichi

Stomp.

worm!kokichi x beetle!shuichi

"wiggle wiggle" says kokichi

"beetle noises" says shuichi

beetlichi buries under the dirt to meet hjis friend wormichi. they became friends bc their names rhymes.

"hi wormichi"

"hi beetle boy" says wormichi he wriggles sexily

oof ouch

then the peopel cam and made them into bug soup

"Let's get buggy with it"

Thanks addi

BABY CANT YOU SEE I'M FALLING A GUY LIKE YOU SHOULD WEAR A WARNING YOu"RE DANGEROUS I'M LOVING IT