Poems from the dark

If you wanna go to heaven

Once upon a dime,
There was a chance, that you and I,
Just might....
But I've changed my mind.

From the beginning,
I thought that you were what I'd want,
It seemed right, like it'd fit,
Not fall apart.

Enter the casual despair,
The subtle suicidal,
That's seldom seen by anyone,
But those not made for love,
Ana's royally fucked up,
Wild thing teens,

Enter the secret life,
Hear big plans,
Three long leaps,
To house, then wife,

Casting call for,
The band,
One night only,
In high demand,

Fashionably late,
I arrive in my style,
Of smoke scented coats,
I leave you wondering while I try and decide who I am.

For once we just drive,
As far as we can,
To the top of the world,
To look for an end,
Til the red and blues come for us,
And we run from the sirens,

Start running up cards,
12:15,
In true fashion,
Of American teens,
And I listen to your hot air prophecies,

Teenage wasteland,
The backseat kingdom,
Where his heads on my lap,
And he's singing of freedom,

I start to think,
I start wondering,
Maybe this isn't what I need,
I want to be happier,
I don't want to kiss you,
I want you happier,
I move on with your head still in my lap in the backseat,

Before I say my new meaning he leaves,
Leaves a moment to you and me,
Lift your chin and speak to me,
"This just feels..."

I guess the end just wasn't for me,
I didn't want to see,
What would happen to you when we'd leave,
I needed to crush the chance at you and me.

Leans in like telling a secret,
Creates a new regret,
Which morphs into guilt and then pride,
Before I can even decide if I want to let him keep going,
Now I have to pretend that I didn't just end,
An entire chapter that could've come after,
Before we'd even made it to the byline,

Lips like fire,
Met my ice,
I leapt into a wild thing,
I didn't think twice,
I left you behind,
There was nothing in my mind,

He was less than kind,
Pushed his hands up my thighs,
Didn't care about my eyes,
Was all too fine with my lies...
The first time.

I liked it that way.
I didn't want him to stay.
I just wanted him to take.
Take little pieces of me.
Take them and leave.
I don't always say what I mean.
But I liked him mean.

Something in me deep was pleased,
To be reveled in,
To let him scrub clean every inch of me,
That once used to be,
What I wanted you to see,
But I've gone back to me.

But now I'm more free,
I am more me,
I am alive,
I am not like the bees,
I am the queen of the wild things,
And you can get on your knees.