Change my Heart, Change my World, Change me

Chapter 7 : Aoi's self monologue ~Who is he~

I feel lost. My purpose resetting the time is to make Kii lives a happier live. Kii is happier now but I don't think it's because of me. It was him that makes her happy. For people that is not close to her, she would look like she usually does. For me who have been paying more attention though, the different can be seen clearly. Her eyes look softer, voice gentler. Her face also brighter. They seem to be a radiated by happiness. It's small and tentative as if she still not fully believe that those happiness are hers yet. Still, I can see that she is changing little by little. It was him that change her. Change her heart. Change her world. Not me.

I'm happy to see her happy. It doesn't matter who make her life better. I just want her to be happy. Be it is me or him that able to do that. It doesn't matter. I don't hate him for making her happy. I just worry. Arzen is different. His attitude, his personality, the way he speaks, the way he does something is far too different than before. I wanted him to be different for Kii's sake but this much is just overwhelmed. I felt it before. He was like a whole different person.

The Arzen I know is someone who always was a perfectionist. He likes perfect things. He did everything perfectly. His study, his duties as a Crown Prince, his duties as a School president. Everything that was tasked to him would be done perfectly. He made plans. He knew what his future would be. He accepts it and content with waiting until it was done. He was not a warm person. He didn't know how to show affection even to the one he loves. Just look at how he was treating Kii that time. He smiled when he need to be. When he thought it was a polite thing to do. He was good to hide how he really was. He was good at lying. Very very good at lying. People admired him. They painted him as a naive, pure gentleman. I was also admire him once upon a time, a lifetime ago. That's why it was hurt when I found out what was actually hidden inside his heart. People said that I was a wolf in a sheep clothes because I was young, I have an innocent baby face yet I like to play with woman. People said I was a heartbreaker. They never know that it was more suitable to describe him. Not that they will believe it even if I told them.

This Arzen thought, who is prefer to be called Ace by the way, why Ace? I knew it is his middle name but a royalty like him usually use first name and seldom use their middle name even when they introduce themselves. Only in an announcement that their middle name will be told fully. Or why even he wants to be called differently? For the sake of starting new life?(that would make sense if he really was also caming back in time). If it was his reason, I would like to let him now that changing name won't be able to erase what he had had done in the past. Damn it! It's still make me shake with fury when I remember that. He doesn't seem to remember the past though. Yet again I remind myself that we will never know when it's coming from him. He was a good liar. An amazing actor. Who knows if he actually really was remembering but pretending that he doesn't? If it was him I'm sure he can pull it off.

I don't want to be the one that prevents Kii for having a good life. But my heart just won't let go. I can't trust him. I knew that he loved her. So much in love with her but I just can't trust him. Loved her as he may be, he wasn't able to protect her last time. I would be happier if Kii falls in love with someone else. Someone that can protect her truly. Someone that is not scare to show her just how much they love her. Someone that will always be there for her. Someone that will be able to make her smile more. Someone that will treasure her. Someone that treats her... like how the present Arzen treat her now... Damn, it's coming back to him after all. Damn him for acting this different it makes me even starting to want to call him differently. Maybe I should called the current Arzen, Ace as well?

This Arzen is careless. He is bad at staying still. He doesn't like studying. He is more into physical activity than theorical. He loves staying out than indoor. He prefers a pipe, A PIPE, rather than a sword. Like, why a pipe?