Repeat // DoJae // NCT

3

Fast forward

For weeks turned into months, and the agony was still there. It broke up the group of friends, after they graduated they refused to see each other. Some decided to go to college, others stayed home. Jaehyun was that one. Everyday he'd stay home by himself in his little apartment that was trashed. He had his belongings scattered across the room, trash from TV dinner food all over the coffee table.. and cigarette buds and ashes littering the table as well, a habit he picked up after Doyoung's death. Drinking was also a serious problem.

After the incident, he was so angry at the girl that he got violent after she came back from suspension and he got in trouble for it, having to finish his classes online to graduate.

Ever since graduating, he's been even more of a mess. He refused to talk to his friends after they all went to the funeral. He couldn't do anything the same without Doyoung ever again. He was his best friend.

He felt like a complete idiot.. Doyoung only had harmless feelings for him.. and Jaehyun complicated things, which made it hard for him until the day he died in an accident. He kept thinking what ifs. Like what if he helped him out when he was getting hurt, what if he gave him a ride home instead, what if he was in front of that car instead of Doyoung. He was making himself sick with those what ifs.

He cried out in agony, tilting his head back and looking up at the ceiling. He sobbed even more when he realized what he was about to do. As tears fell, he got up and went to his room, pushing passed all the trash on his floor. He went to get his phone, opened his KakaoTalk and simply wrote a goodbye to all his friends. He didn't wait for their replies, he just took some items from his storage and walked back into his living room, crying the entire time.

He sobbed as he set the rope up on the ceiling fan, placing a chair underneath it. He sobbed and sank in that chair, letting it all out. He didn't even bother listening to his phone that was buzzing over and over from different friends. That only made him cry more. "No.." He muttered.

"I can't live with this g-guilt.. I can't live without him.. it's all my fault..." he chokes out loudly.

He then shakingly stands up on the chair, looking at it scares him even further but he doesn't stop. He reaches out his shaking hands to the rope and places it over his head.

The tears flow even harder as he looks down at his floor. He cried until he found the courage to do it.

On the other side of his apartment however, was Ten. He frantically was trying to open the door, when he found the key on top of the door frame. "Jaehyun!!!" Ten screamed in terror, making the neighbors come out of their rooms in worry. Finally Ten opened it with his fumbling fingers.

What he saw made his heart sink all the way down to his stomach. "Jaehyun!" He yelled as he ran over and stopped him from jumping, picking him up and taking the rope off of his neck. He held him while on the ground, them both sobbing hard. "Jaehyun I'm not going to lose you too..." he said while crying, running his hand through Jaehyun's hair to sooth him. "Doyoung wouldn't want you to do this.." Ten continues. That just makes Jaehyun cry even more as he clutched Ten hard.

After that day, Jaehyun started to talk to Ten again, and Ten would check on him often to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself. Every time he saw him however, he did see that he had scars on his body.

The breeze was cold as fall was approaching once again. They sat outside on Jaehyun's balcony that he never used, looking out into the night city. "Ten.." Jaehyun started to speak.

Ten looked over at him with interest, never hearing him speak first nowadays.

"...Doyoung said he liked me two days before the accident. If I would've known the last thing I said to him would crush his heart so bad.. I never would've done it.." he says sadly as he looks down. "I regret everything so much.."

Ten widened his eyes and looked at him, "so Doyoung really liked you.. why did you react to his confession like that?"

Jaehyun looked over at him in confusion, "Ten-"

"Yeah I was there.. I saw the whole thing."

Jaehyun's face filled with guilt as he gulped, "I.. don't know.. I was so shocked.. that I ended up being a total jerk to him. I'm supposed to protect him.. not put him down like that. I've never had a guy like me before and I reacted like an idiot. When... he confessed to me.. he smiled the entire time.." Jaehyun's heart aches remembering that shy smile of his.

"I miss his smile so much... and I ended up making him cry instead till the day he died." Jaehyun looks down, placing his head in his arms. Fresh tears started to stream down once again.

Ten patted his back comfortingly. "I know.. we all do.. don't worry Jaehyun, even though it didn't seem like it then.. he'd never be angry with you for a long time. Which means right now, he'd never want you to hurt yourself over what you did to him. He cares about you a lot." Ten smiles down at him.

"Oh Jaehyun... it'll be a year tomorrow.. do you want to try to make a memorial for him?" Ten asks, trying to look down at his face.

Jaehyun looked up at him slightly, "it's... been a year?" Ten nods slightly, not being able to believe it either. So much time had passed, yet it felt like none passed at all. "Yeah... lets do that." Jaehyun said with a slight nod. "I think he'd like that."

That night Ten and Jaehyun stayed up all night making the memorial for Doyoung to place in a local park in their city, after getting the Okay from the mayor. It was beautiful and looking at it brought even more tears to his eyes. Tears he thought he would've cried out by now.

After it was done they went to set it in the park, a crowd surrounding it to pray over it and give their respects.

After they went back, Jaehyun decided to have a drink with Ten that resulted in two, then three, then seven. At some point after drinking away his pain along with Ten, he crashed.

Repeat

"Hurry Jaehyun the teacher is coming!!" Mark yells as he hits his arm forcefully. Jaehyun then opens his eyes, not understanding what he meant. That's when he sees it.

The classroom from high school, and all of his friends in there. He widened his eyes as he perked up and shook Mark. "What day is it?!" He yells.

"November 19th! Don't kill me!" Mark says dramatically.

"November 19th.... that's the day.. Doyoung died.." he said to himself as he looked around the classroom to see Doyoung in the back, his face bloodied and bruised just like that same day.

"D-Doyoung?"