reckless | mgc

six

"I've only ever taken one other person here," Michael breathed, laying on the ground next to Addy and looking up at the stars. From where they were laying he could only pick out the big dipper. He wished he knew where the scorpio constellation was, because that was his sign. Maybe he'd google it later.

"Who?" Addy asked softly, and for a second she felt like maybe she shouldn't have. Wasn't that a little personal? She didn't think they were close enough for her to ask things like that. She tried desperately to find words to take it back, but the opportunity slipped away when Michael opened his mouth.

"The first girl I ever fell in love with." His voice was really soft, and Addy could hear some regret sewn in. Michael felt kind of uncomfortable after he said that. Weren't you not supposed to talk about exes on first dates? Was this even a date? Yeah, Michael was gonna call it a date. He hoped she wanted it to be a date too. They were laying so that their shoulders and knees were touching, but Michael had his hand resting on his stomach. Addy wished he'd grab hers. Michael wished she'd grab his.

"Oh," Addy responded quietly. She wanted to ask who that was, but she stopped herself. She wanted to know who made Michael like this; who forced him to feel so bitter about love. She wanted to learn his fears, his passions, his secrets. Addy wanted to understand Michael, because as far as they were both concerned no one ever had. Michael was so hard to figure out, but laying under the stars made her want to try until the end of time.

Michael knew he was an ass. He knew he was hard to figure out, but he had become that way on purpose. After what had happened last time he opened so easily, he vowed he'd keep himself closed off to anyone who tried to get close to him. Michael didn't like close, it made him feel fragile. Michael didn't like fragile either. It was true, Michael had only taken one other person to that spot, which made him question why he felt like he needed to take Addy there too. Addy was so hard for Michael's head and his heart to figure out; it was like she was a puzzle that was missing some pieces. Suddenly, Michael felt like the shittiest person in the world for bringing Addy there. She didn't deserve this, to be brought somewhere like this by someone who'd be forced to forget it in the morning. Addy deserved everything; someone who'd take her here with the intention to bring her again and again. And the worst part? Addy didn't even know why this place was so special; why it held some of the memories that both built Michael up and tore him apart. But she was pretty and she had nice hair and she was smart and lame and she was real and fuck, how could he give up on that? That was what Michael did, though. He led people on by accident, feeling like he had finally found someone who cared enough to stay. But then he got terrified again, and he left them empty handed and confused, wondering where they'd gone wrong. They hadn't gone wrong at all, though. Michael had. His head started hurting when he thought about it all, so he stopped. 

"What are you thinking about?" he asked quietly, deciding to change the subject. He breathed in and out once, shifting his hand so it was on top of Addy's. He wasn't brave enough to intertwine their fingers. Addy's heart stopped for a second when she finally felt Michael's hand on hers, Jesus, he had a weird effect on her. 

"You," she said quietly, deciding that would be a response with many meanings. Michael felt his hand shake a little bit, and he stopped himself before she noticed. 

Addy suddenly felt like crying. How the hell had she gotten herself into something like this? She didn't even know places (or people, really) like this existed. She felt so bad knowing that this would never work out for them. Between Michael's reputation and Addy's parents, nothing could ever happen no matter how badly either of them wanted it. How could she have let herself get in this situation? She did the same thing as Michael. She built people up on foundations of false hope that maybe, just maybe something might work out. Then, with hardly any warning she tore them down again, all because no one ever impressed her parents. Hell, sometimes she struggled to impress them. Michael had taken her somewhere that was incredibly special to him and all she was about to do was tell him thanks and forget it. Her thoughts were broken when Michael spoke again.