The Witch's Toy ✔

31: to madame blanc

That same feeling.

First, a numbness that started from my heart before spreading to the rest of my body all the way down to the tips of my fingers. If that was all it was, I wouldn't have to brace myself for what would come next. Because what happened after was a separation I didn't want to experience again. It was like a knife to my heart, cutting away yet another piece I needed.

A jarring, sharp pain that didn't even give me enough time to take in a deep breath before twisting into that organ and slicing it deeper into its core.

More than dying, it felt like torture. Something that I could barely describe.

And I didn't know why, but this one hurt more than anything else, yet I haven't even so much as muttered Raum's name.

When I opened my eyes, the gold talisman from my pendant had already extended like an arrow, flying right to its target just meters away from me. The yellow talisman I'd thrown into the air just prior to blacking out had already dissolved to ashes, the barrier no longer needed. And Raum was in the same state as me, on his knees, dark hair plastered all over his forehead with sweat. His skin, that warm color was shades off, an underlying blue-gray tone replacing its usual, familiar almond.

His fingers were bloody, the ends bit cold by frost, digging into the metal of the train, but the place where the gold talisman had pierced his heart was pouring that same thick, black liquid. Shoulders trembling, he lowered his head to the ground, hands curling into fists at both sides. A pained noise escaped from between his lips, the edges clipped as he sucked in a shaky breath, trying to stifle the sounds.

Raum —

He shuddered, the gold talisman glowing brightly in response to my thought.

My hand immediately went to my mouth, realizing that I'd voiced that exact thought out loud. Which meant —

I got up to a quaking standing position before rushing over to him, my own body stiff and aching from the coming repercussions. "Raum," I managed to choke out, fingers reaching for him. But when I just barely touched him, he flinched away from me, like I was an untamed flame he didn't want to be burned by.

Biting my bottom lip, my brows drew together. That reaction hurt me more than it should have, my own body slowly coming undone, unhinged. Like I myself was melting from that same nonexistent flame that had consumed me whole.

He raised his head just a few centimeters, eyes slowly traveling up to meet mine. I swallowed, pressing the palms of my hands into my lap. They were saturated with that pine-green color, glassy with the puffy edges rimmed red like he'd been crying for hours. A child who had gotten lost in a forest full of creatures, the luminous, silver moon shining high above, but unable to penetrate the thick needles of those pine trees that nearly swallowed the sky.

So unlike the color I saw day after day  — that muted pine I was used to.

Take away the pain. The words echoed through my mind, a reminder that the more time I put in between us at this moment, the more Raum suffered. Even if hell was the furthest place away from paradise, it gave a demon like Raum a sense of relief.

I knew he didn't resent me. It wasn't that he hated me that made him recoil away from me, but that things like years of pain and hurt would make anyone be wary of any kind of touch. Although none of the other cursed toys ever shared this same kind of reaction, I understood Raum. I understood, but it still hurt.

Backing away from Raum, my back hitting the other side of the car, I took the gold talisman in between trembling fingers and tore it in half.

My knees buckled, my body collapsing. My hand shot out, gripping the edge of a plastic seat. But it didn't help. It never does. That same pang of pain still took my heart in its hands, carved a hole into it. It was worse than when I woke up from that memory. This didn't start with a numbing sensation but ripped through me in one deft stroke.