Pretend it's okay...

Chapter 15 ( pretending)

Finally right? Well this is harder then sort out but I've got to do this. Hope you like.

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Now listen what I've said before hand indeed they are important but this last thing fall into it and you won't be happy you won't love live and you won't be the same again. I used to actually be this happy, joyful person. I used to be okay or fine.

I had everything I had friends who I belonged with and a family who were remotely happy. I had perfection for the smallest time and it felt sweet. But what came after was so bitter. I didn't know I was pretending. I just thought it was normal. Everyone my friends my family got used to me being the happy laughter the one who's always okay. They started to not care to brush off my problems. Cause maybe for some odd reason in their eyes I appeared happy. That's when it started and it never stopped. I just started playing along to their image of me. But deep down I was hurting I mean my father passed away and nobody was there to hear me. Than my mother started hurting me but still nobody cared to ask me. And so I was always the perfect girl with the massive smile. I was never good with feelings i would bottle up everything and cry my eyes out when it was to full. I didn't know how to be the focus of attention I hated it . I didn't know how to put my crap on others knowing they had their own.

Why should my problems matter when they have their own. I pretended for so long that it was easy. Easy to hide my scars and cuts, easy to hide my pain and sadness all I needed was a smile to cover it all up.

So what I'm trying to get at is that.

We are human every single one us has feelings and we all have our days. So we are allowed to be hurting or to say I'm not okay. Tell people how you really feel. Hiding it doesn't help you. It weighs you down with this image of having to be perfect. We're humans we have feelings.

There is no perfect the never was and never will be it's just something everyone aspires to but there is not point because things will always happen that ruin our happiness it's the way the world works. Life can be harsh sometimes but it's the worlds way of teaching us. We have to experience the bad things to truly cherish the good things.

Talk, I know it sounds stupid but talk to people. And tell them the truth how your feeling. Tell them don't hide your emotions to appear brave or strong. Because the strongest people are the ones who face their problems. The ones who hide away your digging a hole that can never be filled properly again.

Don't hurt yourself to make the pain disappear because yes it eases it for what. How long? Instead when your so low that you feel you will hurt yourself just remember the good times. Think of the future and how it could change to make you happy. One cut is the starting to many so please I'm begging you don't just don't.

I lied to everyone for so long that it's too hard to tell the truth. Don't make your life like mine. One lie leads to a life times worth. I lied because I wasn't fine at all. All I had to say was

I'm not okay. It's seems hard at the time but it's better than being someone your not. Im gone now. I'm sorry for leaving you like this. But I was broken. Broken beyond repair and people they think that you can fix the broken. But I'm not some piece of glass you can't glue me back together. I would have healed if I let myself but sometimes broken is all you see in the mirror and that's when you think it's time to leave.

So I thought it was time for me to leave and stop being broken. I didn't take my life away selfishly. I thought about everyone and everything but in the end for me there really was nothing left. I don't know if would have ever been okay again to live like that is hard it may appear easy but living with your own demons is anything but easy. I've said sorry I've told you why. I only hope you will understand just don't fall into the traps I did. Be cautious when it's comes to trusting. Be aware of how your changing and if it's good or bad change. Make sure you always have somebody to talk. Make your life easy be simply leaving out the things which cause problems. My life wasn't the best life but even so I had a lot of good memories and I will always remember them to the last second. I didn't hurt myself when I left you. I didn't make it painful for myself. I didn't hurt myself because I wanted to leave smiling. Smiling like I always did and had done.

Just remember it's easy to say I'm not fine at all ( 5sos amnesia is THE best sorry)..

And lastly pretending it's oaky is just you deceving yourself cause really it's still the same as long as you pretend

( I have to end with this because it only makes sense to finish with the lyrics of a song that has always inspired me and helped me dearly so last line here goes)

Cause sometimes it can get so hard pretending it's okay.

With love Lilly

( wanna know her surname) ( something's are left a secret shhhh)

Eek me can't express what I is feeling right now. All I know is that I put a lot of time and effort to this so I hope and pray that you like it and that's the best send off for the book. I promised I wouldn't cry and I really haven't because I guess I've come so far since the beginning and it's just put a smile to my face. Knowing this helps you or that you can connect with Lilly cause it was my intention to make it a book girls epically can easily relate to...

This rambling shall carry on in the last authors note in which will contain my reasons and part of my story

Vote, comment and like

The ziall chapter got the most votes so let's beat that one and make this the most voted chapter

I will say a proper thank you in the note so for now hold on for one last part xxx

Done for the story hope it was good enough for you all.

I have a few people to thank

I'll do that in the authors note

Xx